A sympunny!
What animal can jump higher than a mountain?
All of them, mountains can't jump.
Fred is a hippo who goes to a University where everyone is a hippo
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
Did you hear about the cheese factory explosion in France?
All that was left was de Brie.
When I was in college, I used to drink beer in my underwear.
Now I use a glass.
My computer said my password is insecure.
Well maybe if it wasn't forced to have such strict requirements it would be more confident.
I was in a liquor store and an employee asked me “Do you need help?”
I said "Yes, but I'm going to get whiskey instead"
A man made a mistake in an elevator.
He was wrong on many levels.
Did you hear about the mathematician’s son who hated negative numbers?
He stopped at nothing to avoid them.
At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”
The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”
A Beer Goes Into a Bar and Orders a Drink.
The bartender brings the drink and the beer starts whining. "My life is terrible, Nobody likes me, The world sucks." The bartender replies "it's all in your head."
My uncle was crushed by a piano….
His funeral was very low key
People say that being a hostage is hard, but I don’t agree.
I can do that with my hands tied behind my back.
They’re banning phones in my school, my teacher was laughing her ass off at this
https://ift.tt/2TTqdCz
I just saw a documentary on beavers.
Best dam show I've ever seen.
Prove us wrong, Sen. Kelly Loeffler, wife of the chairman of the New York Stock Exchange
https://ift.tt/3fCrkjN
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What do you call cold Mexican food?
Chillychangas
A fireman is sitting in front of the station when he sees a little boy coming down the street in a little red wagon. He’s put little ladders on the side and a garden hose is coiled in the front.
The kid is wearing a fireman's helmet and the wagon is tied to a dog and cat who are pulling the wagon. "That sure is a nice fire truck you got there." "Thanks," the boy says. The fireman looks more closely and sees the boy has the wagon tied to the dog's collar and the cat's testicles. As the red wagon stops in front of him, the fireman observes, The fireman says, "Little pardner, I don't mean to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to hook that rope around the cat's collar, I bet he could pull harder." The kid answered, "I know, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Here’s a compilation of all the funniest clean jokes in existence
https://youtu.be/q6rn38t6y74kr
My wife says if this post gets over 1000 upvotes than I can get anal.
Please upvote because I want to remove every spot from this house
People mostly get shocked when the find out that….
I'm a bad electrician.
I was having sex with my friend’s wife, the phone rang. I heard it was her husband and I quickly started to get dressed.
She told me not to worry. He was out drinking with me…
Guy spits out his coffee and says to the waitress ” I dont mean to be rude, but this coffee tastes like dirt”
She replys: well yea, you told me to make sure it was fresh ground