A teacher asked her students to use the word “beans” in a sentence.
"My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.
"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back. "Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.
A man is driving down a country road
A man is driving down a country road when he loses control of his car and ends up in a ditch. He gets out of the car and knocks on a farmhouse door for help. He explains his situation to the farmer. The farmer gets his horse and they walk to the crash scene. The farmer then uses rope to tie the horse to the car"Pull, Zoomer, pull" the farmer shouts, but the horse doesn't move."Pull, Radar, pull" the farmer yells again, but again, the horse stands still"Pull, Dasher, pull" yells the farmer, but the horse stands like a rock."Pull, Dusty, pull" shouts the farmer, and the horse finally gets the car out with minimal effort.The driver is dumbfounded so he asks the farmer, "why do you call your horse different names?""You see," the farmer replies, "Dusty is blind. If he knew he was working by himself, he wouldn't have pulled."
My obese parrot died today
I am sad but itβs a great weight off my shoulders
My dad once told me that jacking off too much can make you go blind
Then I said "Dad, I'm over here."
I hate how politically correct the world is these days, you can’t even say black paint
You have to say Leroy, please paint that wall
I spent 10 minutes trying to remember what the opposite of “night” was..
In the end I had to call it a day..
They said gloves and a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket..
They lied, everyone else had their clothes on
I’ve recently got a job making chess pieces.
I'm currently working knights.

Boomer uncle posts this on Facebook nice break from his usual Michelle is a man posts
https://ift.tt/2Eou8zy
Dad, I feel fat and ugly… Give me a compliment…
Dad: You have good eyesight !
What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?
It gets toad.
I named my dog βWifiβ…
Because I stole it from my neighbor…
Did you know vampires arent real?
Unless you Count Dracula
What do you after an Apple turns bad?
You open windows.
Three vampires walk into a bar.
The first vampire says to the bartender, βIβll have a pint of blood.β The second one says βIβll have a pint of blood also.β The third vampire says to the bartender, βIβll have a pint of plasma.β The bartender says, βSo, that will be two bloods and a blood lite?β
A slice of apple pie costs $2.50 in Jamaica and $3.00 in the Bahamas.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
My friend hit me with a full bottle of Coke…
But it didn't hurt, because it was a soft drink!
One day at a bus stop there was a girl who was wearing a skin-tight miniskirt.
When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight that she couldnβt get her foot high enough to reach the step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little. She still could not reach the step. Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more. Still, she couldnβt reach the step. So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way. Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldnβt reach the step. So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, βHow dare you touch my body that way; I donβt even know you!β Shocked, the man says, βWell, maβam, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kind of figured that we were friends.β
How did the farmer find his daughter?
He tractor
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one.
I took a bath with bubbles
No text found
I don’t like doing spring cleaning
Damn things bounce all over the place
A woman who is 3 months pregnant falls into a deep coma.
6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because Iβm not big enough or strong enough
Iβve just handed in my Too weak notice.
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together. Man I sure am lucky !
I mean, first I win the lottery and now this
There are 10 types of people in this world.
Those who understand binary, and those who don't.
Why haven’t aliens landed on Earth yet?
They saw our review. 1 star
If your house doesn’t have house numbers on it,
you need to address that situation.
A lost dog strays into a jungle. A lion sees this from a distance and says with caution “this guy looks edible, never seen his kind before”.
So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace. The dog notices and starts to panic but as he's about to run he sees some bones next to him and gets an idea and says loudly "Hmmmm…that was some good lion meat!". The lion abruptly stops and says " Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can". Over by the tree top, a monkey witnessed everything. Evidently, the monkey realizes the he can benefit from this situation by telling the lion and getting something in return. So the monkey proceeds to tell the lion what really happened and the lion says angrily "get on my back, we'll get him together". So they start rushing back to the dog. The dog sees them and realized what happened and starts to panic even more. He then gets another idea and shouts "where the hell is that monkey! I told him to bring me another lion an hour ago…"
An Italian guy, a Polish guy, and a Japanese guy all apply for a job at an office.
The manager hires all three and tells the Italian, "Ok, you take care of the inventory". Tells the Polish guy, "You take care of accounting" and tells the Japanese guy, "You take care of supplies." The manager comes back after an hour and sees the Italian guy and the Polish guy working, but he can't find the Japanese guy anywhere. So all of them start looking for him. After hours of searching, they still can't find him so they give up and turn to go home for the evening when suddenly, the Japanese guy jumps out of nowhere and screams "SUPPLIES!!!!"