A teacher asks the class to name something they are not good at, beginning with the letter O. One student raises his hand and answers…
Judge: Repeat infractions? Man: Fine. I want to contest 3/5 of my parking tickets!
Now you mention Botox and nobody raises an eyebrow…
It's so refreshing
A truck loaded with Worcestershire sauce is driving through Saskatoon, Saskatchewan when it collides with a Nissan Qashqai.
The truck then careens down the road and hits a car from Massachusetts, injuring the two otorhinolaryngologists inside. A bystander quickly calls to report the accident on his Huawei. The emergency operator asks the bystander, "What happened?" "It's hard to say." . . Co-written by M0ng078
Her: We should have dinner again. Him: No, I'm full.
Because they don't even Lyft
I laughed because I knew the shark wasn’t going to help him…
Piece of cake.
A dead centipede.
He got arrested after the police saw people actually letting him in.
What's wobbly in the sky A jellycopter Not the best execution, but I'm happy he's joining the tradition of bad jokes
Well the flag is a big plus!
The Englishman wants to go so they all have to leave.
Well, I don't know where to begin.
A man that states the obvious
6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl? Doctor: Denise Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
I haven’t heard from him since.
“I can’t believe that you’ve been visiting prostitutes for sex,” my wife screamed at me. “I’m really disappointed.”
“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”
He just kinda blew up
"404" sounds pretty fucking high!
He's an artificial sweetner.
My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I’m paid to travel.
My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.