A truck loaded with Vicks Vapour Rub crashed on the freeway today.
There was no congestion for 8 hours.
Only driven from time to time.
and not “buzzkills”?
should have handled that better.
Boss: It’s May. “Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas?”
Bad reviews… only 1 star.
One day Stalin decides to go to the cinema in disguise and hear what people are really saying about him.
When the newsreel comes on the audience stands up and applauds each time he appears on the screen. Stalin is pleased. Modestly, he himself remains seated. After a few moments the man next to him leans over and whispers “Most people feel the same way you do Comrade, but you’ll be safer if you stand up.”
Nice lady, terrible surgeon.
I have a few jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
One says to the other: "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Your under a vest
An r/jokes subredditor walks into a bar and the bartender immediately makes him an exotic cocktail. “How’d you know that’s what I wanted?”
"You come here every fucking day and it's always the same fucking thing."
I made my son sit through a 1 hour long PowerPoint presentation titled “The utmost importance of wearing a condom”.
All the slides were just photos of him.
I've seen that doctors are saying you should avoid close physical contact to stop the spread of coronavirus. Somehow she knew about this years ago.
Like a good boomer Aang.
Well, first you need a nice ice fishing spot and some peas. Once you have those, you cut a hole in the ice, then make a trail of peas leading away from it. So, when the polar bear goes to take pea, you kick it in the ice hole!
The difference is staggering
Show him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Panquakes and shakin'
I'm only doing it to get my foot in the door.
Do not comsume if the seal is broken
They couldn’t control their pupils
A spare I guess
Have another one say "Bingo!"
Another great thing ruined by a period.
Because if they also lived at the south pole, they would be bipolar bears.
They’ve been ‘round a long time.