A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door
"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."
No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep. Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
Nobody could remember her face
He let out a little wine
In all honesty, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
It was accidental.
Thailand.( Credit to my brothers who dosent use reddit).
When one day she sat him down and explains to him that she’s given this a lot of thought and takes it very seriously but she identifies as a man and intends to start living as such. Timmy understands. It was a long transitioning process of altering his appearance, changing his name, undergoing hormone therapy, and finally having the surgery. Timmy was very supportive during the whole process. Even when he was teased by some kids at school. But eventually the process was complete and they decided to have a nice dinner to celebrate. But dinner was ruined. Timmy’s dad just kept making terrible pun after terrible pun. That’s when it hit Timmy like a ton of bricks. He asks “Did….did you go through all this and even get a sex change just so you could make Dad jokes?!” Timmy’s dad replies “Ahh shit, you see right through me. I guess I’m just….transparent”
Shit, I meant to post this somewhere else.
She said no both times
But at least he is better off than the guy who was chased by a bus. That guy was tired.
She was livid and screamed “what the fuck am I going to do with two dead dogs”
The surgeon said: go ahead, knock yourself out.
They’re always watching.
Me: I wish I had a tail. Genje: Wejrd but okay.
Because they got rid of the plaques. (This one popped into my head getting into the shower. Crap, it’s early.)
You’re under a vest!
I’m planning to get down with the kids.
No text found
I said “Don’t worry we’ll all be in the same boat”
The shower gets turned on.
I love foreign axe scents.
He stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.
I'm a cashew!
Because they have no troubleshooting.
They’re inconsistent seas.
Four Catholic Men and a Catholic Woman Were Having Coffee in St. Peter's Square. The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'". The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'". The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone says 'Your Eminence'". The fourth Catholic man then says, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'". Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men give her a subtle, "Well…."? She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D – 24 – 36 When she walks into a room people say, "Jeeeeeeeeeesssssssuuussss!"
Too much pier pressure.
How did the duck fail to rob a bank? It couldn't quack the safe!