A young Irish girl goes to confession…
…and says, “Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
The priest replies, “Go ahead, my child.”
“Well”, she says, “Last night I made love to me boyfriend… FIVE TIMES! And it was GLORIOUS, Father. He made me tingle all over, and I swear it was as though I was seein’ the stars in my passion. And, I think I may have wailed like a banshee. More than once. And me legs was all wibbly wobbly, even the next mornin’. But, I know that makin’ love to me boyfriend before marriage is a sin, and I’ve come seekin’ absolution.
The priest sits back, rubs his forehead, and looks at the young lass and says, “Right. What I need for you to do is go down to Mr. O’Malley’s market and get four good sized lemons. Go home, cut them in half, and squeeze the juice into a nice tall glass and drink in down straight away.”
The girl looks at the priest with a confused look and asks, “ Will that absolve me of me sin, Father?”
“NO, but it’ll wipe the smile off yer face!”
I have an uncle, once removed.
Because they have no troubleshooting.
…5,6,7,8 I use this hand to masturbate.
They use a pumpkin patch!
An udder disaster.
It wasn't quite what I thought it would be. My host told me to put my pants back on and get the hell out of there.
Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down 😉
It was just collecting dust
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It only feels like a maternity
The Italian said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest extra virgin olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream, non stop for five minutes." The Frenchman said: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil from Provence and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight." The Aussie said: That's nothing! Last night I massaged my wife, ya'know, all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours." The Italian and Frenchman, are astonished, and asked?, "Two full hours?….. Wow! that's unbelievable. How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" The Aussie replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
Me: Shit! One escaped?
Me: Is it contagious? Doctor: Is what contagious?
The wiki wiki
I knew this job would take my sole
Sadly, no one approved of their relationship. In the old days no one like mixed race marriages.
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Woman: I used to be Christian. Man: It’s all right, I don’t really care for those sorts of things. Woman: Thank god! It’s so much better now that I’m Christine!
Many people were disgusted, but it's none of my business so I told him: "You do you."
Somehow the bastard found out and killed my dad.
it seems a little fishy
"Both , now get in the van ."
Which was owned by William Shakespeare Since he chewed it now I can't say if it is 2B or not 2B
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist." The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?" "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands." One thing led to another and they make love. After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist." The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm the best dentist in town, How did you figure that out?" "Didn't feel a thing!"
Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.
A gillie suit.
It heard you were supposed to have three squared meals a day.