Aah, good for them.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
We’re neighbors now.
Honestly, I don’t see what the big deal is. It’s not the end of the world.
I always say, "No, thank you. I'm not interested. But thank you for considering me, good day."
"Norway in hell Epstein killed himself!"
With a sea saw
She said it's in case she has to draw blood.
I politely declined- I can't deal with high maintenance women.
It was the least I could do
I wish I had never put it on.
Thanos’ finger snap would have a greater impact if they found a way to make it seem like half the audience disappeared.
Apparently only DC movies can do that.
They soaked it in water and it became a laughing stock.
One, we are very efficient and not funny
Kid: I’m going to be frank with you, bu- and if you say “Hi Frank, I’m Dad!” I’m gonna be super pissed!
It must have been something I said
He takes the art out of rap artist
Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a little stroll in town one afternoon enjoying the sunshine. As they walked, they come across a sign: "Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world." "I am entering!" said Snow White. After half an hour she comes out and they ask her, "Well, how'd ya go?" "I won First Place!," said Snow White. They continue walking and they see another sign: "Contest for the strongest man in the world." "I'm entering" says Superman. After half an hour, he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?" "I won first place too." answers Superman. "Did you ever have a doubt?" They continue walking when they see a third sign: "Contest – Who is the greatest liar in the world?" Pinocchio quickly enters the contest. After half an hour he returns with tears in his eyes. "What happened?" they asked. "Who the hell is Donald Trump ?" asked Pinocchio.
Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch." Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?" Girl: "Because he touched my hand." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he touched my breast." Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father." Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: "Yes father." Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where." Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!" Priest: (after a few minutes): "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch." Girl: "But father he had AIDS!" Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"
The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."
Your pupils. They dilate
It’s really been getting out of hand.
The owner of the shop said, What do you do for a riving? I said, What do I do for a living? I'm a bit of a comedian. So the Chinese chap says, Go on then, change color. I said, No. I'm not a chameleon, I'm a comedian. So then he says, Tell me a joke, make me raff. I said, You want me to tell you a joke and make you laugh? Just then his wok caught fire, so I said, Wok. Wok. And he said, Who der?
Because I was born in the 80's and that makes me an eightieist. //I'm not making this up.
I want the best bang for my buck
… I can't wait to see them all.
Husband- Hi Pregnant, I am Dad. Wife- No you're not.
In order to spell Panda, all you need is p and a.
A four-chin teller!
All of our servers are busy right now. Please try again in a minute.
…… but it just made him more sluggish!
I gave him a glass of water.