Absolutely ruined the meme
Why did the man refuse to throw out his recliner?
Because they go waaaaaay back.
Son: “Do you want the wooden one or the plastic one?”
Dad: *Getting into row boat* "either oar"
Why is the KKK against triathlons?
They don't believe in the mixing of races.
My girlfriend said she didn’t think it was possible to seriously injure yourself by masturbating
But I managed to pull it off.
Apparently, the repairs to Big Ben are going to take three years to complete.
That's ridiculous, considering they're working around the clock.
I asked my son to take 9 from 8, to which he replied “minus one”, I said…
“Yours is one what?”
Today my daughter told me “Dad, your jokes are bad”
I was sad until she told me "Don't worry I'm just kidding, nothing could be father from the truth."
So, Jehovah’s witnesses don’t celebrate Halloween.
I guess they don't appreciate random people coming to their door.
Finding the loot
Jose had robbed a bank in Texas and fled south across the Rio Grande with the Texas Rangers in hot pursuit. They caught up with him in a town in Old Mexico, only to discover that Jose spoke no English and none of the pursuers spoke any Spanish. They drafted one of the locals – the school teacher – to act as a translator. “Tell Jose that he must tell us where he has hidden the loot from the bank robbery.” “The gringos say to ask where you have hidden the loot.” “Tell the gringos I will never tell them.” “Jose says he will never tell you.” The Rangers pull out their six-guns, cock them, and point them at Jose. “Tell Jose if he does not tell us where he has hidden the loot, we will kill him.” “The gringos say if you do not tell them where you have hidden the loot they will kill you.” Jose begins to tremble with fear. “I buried it by the old oak tree on the other side of the bridge.” “Jose says he is not afraid to die.”
Spiral shaped pasta…
really makes me consider the fusillity of life.
How do you top a car?
Tep on the brake, tupid!
My wife divorced me so I took her wheelchair…
Guess who came crawling back?
Physics is full of problems
And chemistry is full of solutions
A mathematician came home and told his wife, “sorry honey, but I’m leaving you for my 18 year old assistant. I’ll be home in a few hours and I’d like for you to be gone.”
He got back home and found a note that read,” hi honey, I’ve left and decided to run off with the 18 year old pool boy. We are both 54 years old, and I think you’ll figure out as a mathematician that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18.”
NSFW Cop pulls over a blonde for speeding
When he gets up to the window he asks for her licence and registration. “What’s a licence” she asks So the cop explains what a licence is. The blonde quickly says “Oh I have one of those” and hands it over to the cop. “I also need to registration” reminds the cop “What’s a registration” she asks So the cop explains what a registration is to her. “I have one of those” she says as she grabs it and hands it over. So the cop takes the licence and registration back to his car to write up the ticket. As he’s writing up the ticket he tells his partner how dumb this blonde is. His partner thinks a minute and says “when you take the ticket to her, give her everything then drop your pants to see what her reaction is.” So the cop finishes writing up the ticket and heads back to the blonde. He hands her her licence, registration and the ticket then drops his pants. The blonde looks confused for a second then her face falls, “oh no, not another breathalyzer test”
It has been scientifically proven that girls reach the age of puberty earlier than boys.
Girls develop tits around the age of thirteen, boys develop them around the age of forty.
Is it still called beef when vegans fight
It depends on what's at steak
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
(That’s it. That’s the joke)
What do you call it when you mix alcohol and American literature ?
Tequila Mockingbird
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived on the Bay they’d be bagels
A farmer’s son joins reddit and finds the r/Jokes subreddit
"Father, father!" he says to the farmer, "This subreddit is amazing! It's full of so many good jokes, I wish I could be just as funny as all the redditors I've seen." The farmer laughs at his son and tells him, "Son, if you really want to be like the redditors on r/Jokes you'll have to first sow your Ohsts." His son looks at him, perplexed. "What on earth are 'Ohsts'? I've never seen you with those." "I know you've heard the saying 'you reap what you sow', and the same saying applies reddit," the farmer tells his son. "Those redditors just sow their Ohsts so they can reap Ohst, reap Ohst, and reap Ohst."
Seriously, this game was beaten by a 19 yo furry, Pokémon’s with second amendement right and the sweet taste of liber-tea.
Seriously, this game was beaten by a 19 yo furry, Pokémon’s with second amendement right and the sweet taste of liber-tea.
Two dragons walk into a bar. One says to the other “It’s hot in here”
The other replies "shut your mouth"
Nowadays It is more important to see the Manufacturer country than Expire Date.
https://ift.tt/314GiIy
I wasn’t sure if I liked my beard…
But it’s growing on me.
Did you know if you rearrange all the letters in the Post Office
They get really annoyed
What do you call an old, Spanish man?
A senõr citizen.