Because I only have one response and it's "boogie oogie oogie".
No pun in ten did.
I'm not in trouble yet, but the thyme is cumin.
But then it grew on me.
Dad: Make sure you're screwing down into the wood Son: Oh crap, I screwed up
To blow off some steam 🙅♂️🚂
He got a little behind in his work
Because then it'd be a foot.
Diabetes. What? Did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day? I waited an entire year to say this
But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they are lovely.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “what are you going to do now?”
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together. The priest begins: “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.” “I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.” They both look down at the rabbi, who is lying on a gurney in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”
Everyone felt a huge relief when they told us it's only a bank robbery.
I never get a straight answer.
But Patrick is the star
Which is why I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds… So it doesn't get weird.
It’s the Wurst Käse scenario.
Up on the 57th floor at a bar, 1 says to the other: "Did you know, if you jump out of this window that the air pressure gets so great by the 10th floor you'll get sucked straight back into the window at the 9th." The 2nd guy replies: "No way, that's bullshit." First guy says "I'm telling you it's true…" 2nd guy replies: "OK, Prove it. Jump out, if you make it back up here I'll buy you a drink." First guy: "OK, you got a deal." He opens the window and without hesitation, jumps out. The 2nd guy panics and runs over, but it's to late… The first guy is already plummeting down to the ground. He passes the 50th, 40th, 30th, 20th, floors and would you know it… Just as he predicted, he is sucked into the window on the 9th. He catches the elevator back up to the 57th floor, goes to the bar with a big smug smile on his face and says to the 2nd guy: " Double Whiskey, straight on the rocks." The 2nd guy can't believe his eyes… He buys the drink but is convinced that he has been swindled. He says: "That was a set up… Or a fluke… Do it again… And I'll buy you 2 drinks." The first guy laughs, and replies: "OK, No problem. I'm telling you it's physics, no luck or trickery involved here. Just watch." He walks confidently over to the window (wobbling slightly from alcohol) and jumps out. The 2nd guy is looking with intent, sure he will find out what's going on and how the trick works. The first guy plummets towards the ground again, He passes the 50th, 40th, 30th, 20th, floors and would you know it… he is sucked into the window on the 9th yet again. He catches the elevator back to the 57th floor and walks in, smugger than before. Yells over to the bartender: "2 double whiskeys, on the rocks." The bartender shakes his head in dismissal, but poor the drinks. The guy then stumbles over to the 2nd and says. "Now do you believe me… Go on, give it a go, it's exciting… Tell you what, I'll get you 3 drinks if you do it." The 2nd guy is hesitant… But having watched it been done twice with a very watchful eye.. Figures, he can't argue with science and decides to give it a shot. He tentitevely walks over to the window, sits upon the ledge… The first guys is stood by his side and cheers: "Go on! You can do it!" With that, the 2nd guy jumps. Screaming and terrified as he falls towards the ground at terminal velocity… He is hurling towards the street, He passes the 50th, 40th, 30th, 20th, 10th, 9th, 8th, 7th, 6th, 5th, 4th, floor… The man is screaming, petrified for his life. "OH GOD I'M. GOING TO DIE!! HEEEEELP!!!!!!." He zooms past the 3rd… 2nd… Floor… He is headed face first for the curb… Suddenly the first guy appears from nowhere and catches him… The guy, still terrified but now puzzled and in disbelief. Overjoyed that he was saved… " How…. How did you do that!?" The first guy replies (still tipsy and slurring) … "I owe you 3 drinks." They catch the elevator to the 57th floor and walk into the bar.. The first guy says: "I'll have a double whiskey and this guy will have 3." The 2nd guy is traumatised from the experience he just went through… Shaking in the corner of the bar. The bartender, having seen and heard everything says to the first guy: "You know, you can be a real dick when you're drunk Superman."
Only two: One to promise a bright future and another one to screw it up.
Its just something I could see myself doing
One day, Deadpool joined the Avengers. They traveled to a Hydra base surrounded by four barriers. When they got to the first barrier, Hulk smashed it. When they got to the second barrier, Tony Stark fired up his Iron Man suit and blasted a hole through it. When they got to the third barrier, Thor took out Mjolnir and bopped a hole in it. Then they got to the fourth wall, and Deadpool said, "Am I supposed to be the punchline to this joke?"
what did the buffalo say to his son when he left? bi-son
7YO: Knock knock! Me: Who's there? 7YO: Europe Me: Europe who? 7YO: (with mock outrage) I'm not a poo! you're a poo!
"You owe me one cannoli."