None. They just keep putting the broken one back in because it promised things would be different this time.
Not what you are thinking.
Because otherwise, it’s FUCKING RAW!!!
"AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."
Probably why I’m the only child.
But I turned myself around.
Jim turns to Bob, and says, "You know what, I'm going to go to college!" He then leaves the bar and makes his way over to the local college. He is met with the Dean of Administration, who is explaining to Jim what classes he is going to take. "Alright, Jim. You are going to take 4 classes," the Dean says. "English, Math, Science, and Logic." "Logic?" Jim asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" Proudly, Jim responded, "Yes, I do." "Well, if you own a weed wacker, then logically speaking you own a lawn," the Dean said. "Yes, yes I do have a lawn!" "Well, if you have a lawn, then logically speaking you own a house." "Yes, yes I do have a house!" "And if you have a house, then logically speaking you have a family." "Yes, yes I do have a family!" "And if you have a family, then logically speaking you have a wife. And if you have a wife, then logically speaking you're heterosexual." "Yes, yes I do have a wife and I am heterosexual! Wow, I can't believe you found out all of that just because you knew I had a weed wacker!" Jim exclaimed. "Yeah, that's what logic is," the Dean responded. Jim excitedly went back to the bar, awaited by Bob. "Bob, I'm taking 4 classes in college. English, Math, Science, and Logic," Jim told Bob. "Logic?" Bob asks. "What the hell is that?" "Here, I'll give you an example. Do you own a weed wacker?" "No." "Then you're gay."
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the “telephone” he had just made from a string and two tin cans…
I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but look at what kids your age make in China!"
In my defence, all the signs did say "Don't feed the animals"
Worst way to check your balance. crickets
Well, the answer's pretty clear…
“Son, I bet you can’t wait for me to die so you can piss on my grave!” The private emphatically replies, “No sir! Once I get out of the army I’m never gonna stand in line again. “
My 5 year old granddaughter kept following me while holding a bucket. I asked her what the bucket was for and she said . . .
“Dad says if you kick it, we’ll be rich!!”
A receding hareline.
There would be a mass confusion.
Because they were not tenants.
I'm not in trouble yet but the thyme is cumin.
A light snack
It’s a dart board on a ceiling. (original: r/jokes)
But it didn't hurt, because it was a soft drink!
Under the bed she found some serious bondage gear and other fetish material. Horrified, she asks the dad what should they do with him. Dad:"Well I'm no expert but I wouldn't fucking spank him."
I’ve seen enough.
That shows how toxic the media is.
Joseph: [pulls up a chair] yea Mary, where DO babies come from?
The bartender asks: “What can I get you?” The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”