After Adam stayed out late a few nights, Eve became suspicious.
“You’re running around with another woman—admit it!” she demanded.
“What other woman?” Adam shot back. “You’re the only one here.”
That night, Adam was fast asleep when he was awoken by Eve poking him in the chest.
“What are you doing?”
“Counting your ribs.”
But I heard they were recently working on a new track
He still can't say "please" though, which I think is poor for four.
It was mother fucking gold
Hot, because you can catch a cold.
They might spike the punch.
“Goodnight Mum, Goodnight Dad, Goodnight grandad, bye grandma.” The next day the grandma dies. The girl says again: “Goodnight Mum, Goodnight Dad, Bye grandad.” The next day the grandad dies. The next night, the girl says: “Goodnight Mum, bye Dad.” When the dad gets home from work he says “Honey I have had the most insane day!” The Mother says: “Me too! The postman died on the front yard!”
It means a lot to them.
Shouldn't they be called Asteroids?
Because he is a PM, not an AM
He replies: "I am not your dad"
But I couldn't find a manual.
You'll be mist.
Oh well, hindsight is 1
One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
A four chin teller
The leader of the terrorists told them that he would grant them each one last request before they were beheaded. The CNN Reporter said, "Well, I’m an American, so I’d like one last hamburger with French fries.” The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the burger & fries. The reporter ate it and said “Now, I can die.” The BBC Reporter said, "I’m a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what’s about to happen. Maybe someday someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end.” The ISIS leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and dictated some comments. The reporter then said, "Now I can die knowing I stayed true until the end.” The ISIS leader turned to the Israeli commando and said, “And now, Mr. Israeli tough guy, what is your final wish?” “Kick me in the butt ,” said the soldier. “What?" asked the leader, “Will you mock us in your last hour?” “No, I’m not kidding. I want you to kick me in the butt ,” insisted the Israeli. So the terrorist leader shoved him into the open and kicked him in the behind. The soldier went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from under his flak jacket, and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he jumped to his knapsack, pulled out his carbine and sprayed the terrorists with gunfire. In a flash, all terrorists were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the soldier was untying the reporters, they asked him, “Why didn’t you just shoot them in the beginning? Why did you ask them to kick you in the butt first?” “What?” replied the Israeli, “and have you report that I was the aggressor?
Because she's really Sheik.
Insert punchline here
A man wants to enter a club he’s visiting in cuba, but there’s a tough looking bouncer that won’t let anyone in.
A cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says… "I'm with the police." The bouncer lets him in. Less than a minute later, another cuban man with a large beard walks up to the bouncer, strokes his beard and says, "I'm with the police." The bouncer lets him in. The man who wants to enter, having no beard eventually walks up to the bouncer and says, "I'm with the police." Raising an eyebrow, the bouncer asks where his beard is. Pulling down his pants, the man replies with, "I'm undercover." The bouncer lets him in.
I have no idea why he wants an ex box
Because that's the only way he can hear.
I walked in and caught her masturbating. She called me a sick pervert. There's no justice in this world.
That they're politicool… Im biased but i think its genius
No wait, she’s back She just went to make a cup of coffee
You can hide but you can't run.
Wife: whatever means necessary. Me: No it doesn't.
Add spring water.
This morning, my wife was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. As I walked in, she turned to me and said, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!” My eyes lit up and I thought, “This is my lucky day!
Not wanting to lose the moment, I didn't waste any time at all, I gave her a banging right on the kitchen table! Afterwards she said, "Thanks." and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?" She giggled, "The egg timer's broken."
Bartender: I'm sorry, we don't serve food here.
Knock, knock… Who's there? Cargo. Cargo who? Nope. Owl go who. Car go beep beep. I warned you.
We can all legally leave.