After some pondering and experiments, I’ve made a conclusion that I can no longer reach my original weight.
8 lbs 9 oz is an unrealistic goal anyways.
The weather just isn't suitable
…if it were served warm, it would be justwater…
or maybe not.
They can't handle the stakes.
Knock Knock Whose there? Grandad QUICK, STOP THE CREMATION!
Because she couldn’t control her pupils.
Dad: "No the regular kind."
A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?" She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." Peter says, "Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, Jennifer, have you ever had any contact with a male organ? The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate. All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Reeva, What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I?m going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Jessica sticks her ass in it."
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.It is dangerous to sleep with your mouth open on the subway.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
Put it in the microwave until its Bill Withers
It's too close to the gas chamber. Edit: Jesus Christ, look at that, I got silver! Not 30 pieces, but anyway.
She said, "That's a stupid name." I said, "Now you're gestating the Obvious."
So I can say to people "hey look, it's a terrorwrist".
Because they're so damn good at it.
My dad is going through heart failure, and the first text that I get from him after sending him a card says:
“No more corny jokes, now just corn-orary jokes” I’m glad he still has his sense of humor through these tough times
And I'll name the other "DupliKate"
He wants to make America grate again.
Q: Why did the window frame hurt? A: It had window pains!
Apparently it is just you was not the correct response n
They said, “If your tent gets blown away, you won’t be covered.”
They only added the F after he died
Roxanne is a really good song.
Personally, I prefer it without the period.
Seven. If you you remove the S it becomes even. Heard from my nine year old three minutes ago. I’ve never been more proud.
I’d be like, “Why y’all keep giving me all these dimes?”
Mostly so I can get a better girlfriend.
I think to myself ‘Oh I used to say this joke’. So in my best pirate voice I laugh and say, “R!” Smirking, my 6 yo replies, “Aye, you’d think so, but it ‘tis the C!” Proud moment right there folks!
but it's literally 50%
She said “fuck you” so I’m very excited for 2020
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pros and cons of dating me pros : dating cons: me
I asked him what on earth he was doing in there. All he said was, "I cum in peas."
To tell people he was a vegan.
from being crushed by a giant crab.
A pain in the ass…
A receding hare-line!