Ah now I get the joke thanks.
How many Democrats does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They only talk about change.
What do baby parabolas drink?
Quadratic Formula! Maybe this is more of a mom joke… Edit: this isnât my joke. I thought this sub might enjoy it though
The best thing about Japanese porn is they censor it,
so I can watch it with my family.
The First French Fries Werenât Cooked In France
they were cooked in grease
How does Darth Vader like his toast?
On the dark side… This joke was a little forced.
There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.
The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was. They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all the pain and agony, he stayed strong for three days, but in the end, talked. He was sent back to the prison, having brought shame to himself, his family, and his country. They finally sent in the Italian. For an unending three weeks, they tortured him, until they realized if they did anything else to the poor man, he would die, so they sent him back. When he got back to the prison cell bloody and battered, the other POWs asked him, "So? Did you talk?" "How could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"
How does NASA organize a party?
They Planet
a book just fell on my head…
i've only got my shelf to blame….
What did Batman tell Robin before he got in the car?
Get in the car
How did we know communism was doomed from the beginning?
All the red flags.
#textblob #python #translator Spell Checker & Languages Translator pro…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcgtoxRXnRk&feature=share
The light bulb comes on for a very stable genius with a good brain, probably the best brain
https://ift.tt/2vQx8UT
What do you call 100 rabbits in a line running backwards?
A receding hair line.
A fat man sees a sign on a door: lose 1 pound for $1…
He puts a dollar in the slot and enters. There is a jogging track with a beautiful naked woman wearing jogging shoes. "Better start running" she says, beckoning him. Excited, he chases her around the track for an hour. Finally he catches her, she… ahem… rewards him… then he steps on the scale. He lost 1 pound! As he leaves he sees a new sign next door. "Lose 2 pounds for $2". He pays, enters. This time there are two gorgeous naked women in running shoes. They say "Better start running." He does, chasing them around the track. Two hours later he catches them. He is doubly… rewarded. On his way out the scale shows he lost 2 pounds! The man leaves. Sure enough, next door there is a final sign: "Lose 3 pounds for $3." By now the fat man is exhausted and can barely walk… but he cannot resist. He pays and enters. The door slams shut behind him and locks. Alone on the running track is a 6'4" muscular male body builder, naked except for running shoes. The naked athlete points down at his enormous erection, smiles at the fat man and says… "Better start running."
Wife: Stop being an idiot. Just be yourself.
Me: Make up your mind.
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday. She spends $15,000 and looks sensational.
On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, âI hope you donât mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?â. âAbout 32,â is the reply.â âNope! Iâm exactly 50,â the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonaldâs and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, âIâd guess about 29.â The woman replies with a big smile, âNope, Iâm 50.â Now sheâs feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question. The clerk responds, âOh, Iâd say 30.â Again she proudly responds, âIâm 50, but thank you!â While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, âLady, Iâm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.â They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, âWhat the hell, go ahead.â He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, she says, âOkay, okay…..How old am I?â He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, âMadam, you are 50.â Stunned and amazed, the woman says, âThat was incredible, how could you tell?â âI was behind you at McDonaldsâ.
We’re in Trouble
The population of this country is 327 million. 76 million are retired. That leaves 251 million to do the work. There are 48 million people who are permanently disabled. Which leaves 203 million to do the work There are 74 million children younger than 6 Which leaves 129 million to do the work There are 95.2 million children and young adults in school. Which leaves 33.8 million to do the work. At any given time, there are roughly 4 million people on vacation Which leaves 29.8 million to do the work Of this there are 15 million employed by the federal government, not including the military. Leaving 14.8 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with North Korea and the Middle East. Which leaves 12 million to do the work. Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.2 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,012,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,011,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are, Sitting on your ass, At your computer, reading jokes. Nice. Real nice.
What did one bone say to another bone?
Letâs meet up and share a joint.
A blacksmith finishes making a few horseshoes and leaves them on an anvil.
The blacksmith returns to the forge as a cowboy walks into the shop and picks one up only to put it back down immediately. "Hot ain't they?" the blacksmith asks. The cowboy replies, "Nope. It just don't take me too long to look at horseshoes."
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
'Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times.'
Why doesn’t the moon shave?
Because it waxes
The World Health Organization (WHO) announced that dogs cannot get Covid-19. Dogs can be released from quarantine.
So now we know âWHO let the dogs out"
Little known fact-
Captain Hook bought his hook from a second hand store.
Boobs are like legos
They're really for the kids, but the dads always end up playing with them
Why did the perverted cat get arrested?
Because he got caught watching kitty porn.