Ah yes children will never know how to spell again
…Math puns make me feel number.
I can't tell you how upset I am!
A four-chin teller
It was a risk I was willing to take.
I was visiting my pregnant friend at the hospital, and the only parking spot I could find was in the C section.
I had to climb out of the sunroof.
It's always "Is Pepsi ok ?"
I avoid meet
Beauty. It's in the eye of the bee-holder.
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An old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I went to the liquor store yesterday on my bicycle, bought a bottle of whisky and put it in the bicycle basket As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break. So I drank all the whisky before I cycled home. Finally, it turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seven times on the way home. Imagine what would have happened to the bottle!…. Edit => Wow , thanks for all the upvotes. However, I feel bad, as it is not my own joke
I've had it up to ear with him.
It got stuck in a crack
it was groundbreaking
I’ve decided I’m dressing in a costume for Christmas. I’m going to wear a fleece jacket, show off pictures of kids and carry a GPS navigation unit. I’m going as……
FLEECE NAVI-DAD Edit: SILVER? Thank you kind redditor!
My thoughts are with his family!
I said "scissors, i win" and drove off. Fucker must want a re-match he has been chasing me for 30 minutes.
He was shopping for beddingdingding.
Oh, so your dad was a billionaire? No, he also wished he were.
He hated the juice.
A 17 year old male walks into a drug store. He says "I've been invited to Christmas dinner at my new girlfriend's house. Afterwards I hope there is a chance I get lucky, you know what I mean" Clerk: "How about condoms then? They could come in handy. Here's a pack." The young man after paying walks to the door, stops, smiles, comes back: "you know what, the mom is also smoking hot, I think I'll take another pack, just in case I get extra lucky." Christmas eve comes around, the boy sits at the dinner table and doesn't say a word. After a while his girlfriend says: "if I had known you were so quiet, I wouldn't have invited you." the young man replies "if you had told me your dad works at a drug store, I wouldn't have come."
He is de-composing.
The Church Prayed Daily against the bar business. Days later the bar was struck by lightning & caught fire which destroyed it. Bar Owner Sued the Church Authorities for the cause of its destruction, as it was an action because of their Prayer. The Church Denied all Responsibility!!! So, the judge commented, "It's Difficult to Decide the Case because here we have a Bar Owner Who Believes in the Power of Prayer & an Entire Church that Doesn't Believe in it"
Polish Border Control Officer: "Nationality?" German: "German" Polish Boder Control Officer: "Occupation?" German: "No, just visiting"
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We're telling them tomorrow.
Husband: Hi Pregnant, I'm Dad. Wife: No you're not.
…because he is a small arms dealer!
It got mugged.
Preferred pronouns are Her/she