AKSDKDS
What do you call it when a midget gives head?
A below job
ONE GERMAN, ONE JAPANESE AND A HILLBILLY WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.
Suddenly, there was a beeping sound. The German pressed her forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at her questionly. "That was my pager," she said. " I have a microchip implanted under the skin of my arm." A few minutes later, a phone rang. The Japanese woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, " that was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand." The HILLBILLY woman felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of paper hanging from her behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at her. The HILLBILLY woman finally said, "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a FAX."
What do you call a dyslexic atheist?
A person who doesn't believe in dog.
My struggle with steroid addiction…
…has only made me stronger.
How does an octopus go into battle?
Well armed
“Hey son, what are you drinking?”
"Soy milk" "Hola milk, soy padre"
Although my friend has a lot of hair, he’s paranoid about going bald.
I told him, “It’s all in your head.”
Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.
The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time. The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return. Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, “The first one who can use the words “liver” and “cheese” together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me.” The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says “I love liver and cheese.” “Oh, how childish,” said the Poodle, “That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever.” She turned to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and said “How well can you do?” “Ummmm…I HATE liver and cheese,” blurts the Golden Retriever. “My, my,” said the Poodle, “I guess it’s hopeless. That’s just as dumb as the Lab’s sentence.” She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, “How about you, little guy?” The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says, “Liver alone, cheese mine."
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
A man goes to do the doctor for a physical. He tells the not to be alarmed but he has 5 penises.
The doctor says, “5 penises!? How do you pants fit?” The man replies “Like a glove.”
I recently visited a pickle factory
The experience was jarring.
I had to get a loan to pay for an exorcism.
They said if I didn’t pay it back on time I’d get repossessed.
I’m deathly afraid of elevators.
I take a lot of steps to avoid them.
![[NSFW] Even Pinocchio knows Epstein didn’t do it](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/almbp0fouzw31-400x381.jpg)
My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but was not given the gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.
My son said he wanted to become a pyromancer.
I told him it's much easier to woo a cake.
A lot of things are going to change since I got my girlfriend pregnant.
Including my name, address and phone number.
whenever i ask someone what is LGBT
i never get a straight answer
What does an air conditioner have in common with a computer?
They both lose efficiency as soon as you open windows.
If you boil a funny bone….
It becomes a laughing stock
My mum always used to say “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”.
Nice lady, terrible surgeon.
Why was the broom late for the meeting?
It overswept.
What’s the difference between COVID and a Karen?
One's a contagion, the other's a cunt aging.
Why didn’t the lifeguard rescue the hippie?
Because he was too far out man.
AveryTech Company
This is the most advanced and comfortable gaming desk on the planet. It even has power and usb outlets in the drawers and cabinets and the entire surface supports wireless fast charging. It uses our own patented one-of-a-kind power cable with-built in backup battery to deliver completely uninterupted charging and power. This amazing desk starts at just $199.Legs and power cable sold separately at two thousand dollars each.6 months later: Unfortunately we will be ending support for this desk.
Never date an apostrophe.
They're too possessive.
Don’t mess with WIFE !!!!
Wife asked her husband to give her the newspaper. Husband: "How backward you are? Technology has developed so much and you are still asking for the newspaper… Take my iPad…" Wife took the iPad and killed the Cockroach. Husband faints. Moral: Whatever the wife asks, give her without argument. Show your smartness in office, not at home.
I just pooped in the elevator
And i took that shit to the next level
I really need to fix my watch but…
I never have the time
Nympho on a plane
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?” She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston." He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?” “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?” “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.” Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.” “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
I taught a wolf to meditate
Now it’s aware wolf
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me
Last week at the zoo, I saw a baguette in a cage.
It made me sad, because I knew it was bread in captivity.
How would a stoner propose to another stoner?
Marriage-you-wanna?
Seven has “even” in it.
That's odd.
