All hail the new king
She said I wasn't any good in bed. She was shocked when they all disagreed with her!
A young woman goes to her doctor about two small rashes on her thighs. The doctor tests her for allergies, and then asks “Ma’am, are you a lesbian?” The woman stares for a second, then says “Yes, I am. Why?” “There’s the problem.” the doctor said “Tell your girlfriend to stop wearing cheap earrings.”
There's no f in whey
It'll always be stationery.
I’ll beheading there soon.
Probably won't have it again. It was just a novelty
Paragraph, cause he’s not a full essay
This isn't where they be long.
He started showing off, talking about his well paid job and expensive sports car. Then he pulled out a photo of his wife and said, "She's beautiful, isn't she?" I said, "If you think she's gorgeous, you should see my girlfriend." He said, "Why? Is she a stunner?" I said, "No, she's a fucking optician.”
You can hide, but you can’t run.
So he isn’t spotted
Aisle B, back!
Is it now traffic jam
In Japan, he picks up a hooker and they go all night long. The entire time they were making love she was excitedly shouting: Hasimota! Hasimota! Since the man obviously didn't know a word of Japanese, he concluded it was some sort of an excitement noise. The next morning he meets with a few japanese businessmen on a golf course. One of the businessmen makes a shot and, surprisingly, scores a hole in one. Everyone applauds and the foreign man, wanting to sound clever, shouts: Hasimota! The man who scored the shot turns to him and asks in confusion: "What do you mean 'Wrong hole!'?"
To cover its butt quack.
He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and can’t do it, they have to buy everyone’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if he’s willing to try it and the guy says “no, the steaks are too high”.
They both died to become the icon of saving
I told her to please leave it in the jug. My wife eye-rolled SO hard and then apologized to the cashier 😀 The cashier was laughing though, so I'll take the win.
I should have bought asparagus
It's when you promise to pull out but you don't:
He got buzzed
It was pretty mindblowing.
So I put my foot down
Studies have proven that people who have more of them live longer.
They always take forever to say… ha ha?
But I couldn't catch them all
I guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
But I would feel guilty if anyone got it.
If both were up, they'd fall down.
I don’t know but a group of them is called a Senate.
The judge asks, “First offender?” The wife replies, “No, first a Gibson, then a Fender.”