All the girls in a classroom were upset by Little Eddy!
After months of enduring his foul language and sexual innuendoes in class, the girls decide to walk out of the class in protest in case Eddy says anything sexual or offensive.
Class starts and the teacher says: "OK kids, today's subject will be buildings and construction. Who can tell me how buildings are made?"
The class remains quiet, then little Eddy raises his hand and says "Madam, I know".
The teacher says, "OK Eddy, please explain."
Eddy: "Well, first before anything you need a permit from the city for the construction project to begin, that could take months. Once you get the permit, then come the bulldozers to basically dig into the earth to create the foundation. Then, cement is poured into the foundation and pylons are inserted. Around the pylons, the outer structure of the building is made, floors, walls, ceilings.Then comes wiring and plumbing. Next drywall can be installed along with flooring and fixtures. When all is said and done, you still have to get an occupancy permit from the city before you can actually use the building.
The class remains quiet.
The teacher says: WOW Eddy! Bravo, that was amazing, how did you learn all that?
Eddy: For the past many months, just a few doors down from our house, they have been building what I think is a huge whore house, I've watched the whole thing from start to finish.
At that moment, all the girls suddenly get up and start to walk out.
Eddy looks around and says:
Woah woah woah, girls sit down, they are still waiting for the permit!
What do you call a liquified bread drink
Carbo-Hydrate
I always knock on the front door of my fridge …
Just in case there is a salad dressing . This was horrible lol
Mike Tyson gifted little metal cups to his friends…
When they asked what it meant, he said it was a thimble of friendship!
Caught my wife going through the neighbours bins…
She's not nosey, just terrible at parking!
Walking to work one day, a woman asked me what was the quickest way to the hospital
So I pushed her under a bus
What do you discover when you find bones on the moon?
The cow didn't make it.
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
There are two guys stealing iPhones around the town
They are most likely going to face time
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried.
Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh… the Sixth… the Fifth…" Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
What’s the difference between a camera and a sock?
One takes photos, the other takes five toes!
What do you call a Dog with no legs?
Why bother? They won't come anyways.
Interactive joke
There was a man who lived in a 3 story house. Remember: 3 stories. The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?" The man went up to the second story and saw his son playing a video game. He told him "You're doing it wrong, you're supposed to-" but the son slapped him, saying "Who's playing? Me or you?" Then he went to the third story and saw his daughter doing homework, and told her "this is the wrong answer" and the daughter slapped him, saying "Who's doing homework? Me or you?" Finally, the man went up to the fourth story. (At this point, hopefully your listener would say "but you said there were only 3 stories!" at which poing you slap him/her and say "Who's telling the joke? Me or you?")
Reddit should rename ‘share’ to ‘spreddit’, ‘delete’ to ‘shreddit’ and ‘karma’ to ‘creddit’.
Yet they haven't. I don't geddit.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walked into a bar.
A nurse, a doctor, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar. The nurse sits down and says, “I’ll have a shot of tequila!” The doctor sits next to her and says, “Give me a shot of whiskey!” The bartender turns to the anti-vaxxer, "and what are you having?". The anti-vaxxer responds, "no shots for me", then dies from polio.
What’s large, grey, and doesn’t matter?
An irrelephant.
When I get naked in the bathroom
the shower gets turned on.
Scientists have identified a food that completely kills sex drive in women.
It's called "wedding cake."
It’s a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It’s a 35 minute walk from the pub to my house.
The difference is staggering.
I almost got caught stealing a board game today.
But it was a Risk I was willing to take.
If my son turned out to be transgender, he ain’t no son of mine
She’d be my daughter🥰
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
What does a serial killer do when he finds Waldo?
Wears Waldo.
My grandfather says he survived mustard gas and pepper sprays during war.
He's a seasoned veteran.
Dad: Hey, remember tomorrow is Father’s Day!
Me: Yeah, but it’s son day as well.
Stalin appears to Putin in a dream
He says to Putin: "I have two bits of advice for you: kill off all your opponents and paint the Kremlin blue." Putin asks, "Why blue?" Stalin replies, "I knew you would not object to the first one."
What do u call a tower of pizza boxes?
The leaning tower of pisa
I once threw a quarter into the San Andreas…
I have always wanted to be generous to a fault.
My teacher says I’m pretty good at addition but I’m terrible at subtraction.
I don't get the difference.

Aww poor baby. Just dont buy the latest iphone or avocado toast. You’ll be fine
https://ift.tt/2PTlS1L
I think I’m done buying trash bags.
I always end up throwing them away anyways.
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting, to which Sherlock replied…
“Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”
I’m opening a new gay club called “Garage Sale”
Because one man's junk is another man's treasure!
My wife always said that she wanted the body of an 18 year old…
… but she got really upset at me when I actually brought her one.