I’m tired of seeing “Hey OP, I slept with your mom last night!” every time I post something on Reddit.
I shouldn’t have told my dad what my username was.
They don't sell alcohol to miners
But so far I’ve made 3 vases and a jug so fuck you!
'No matter what choices were made the outcome was going to be the same' said a spokesman
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They’re hill areas
Quacks in the pavement.
My girlfriend said to me, “I’m sick of you pretending to be a detective. I think we should split up.”
I said, "Good idea – we can cover more ground that way!"
After the owner teached him the basics of running the store, he has to run an errand. 'Could you run the store on your own for a couple of hours, Jeremy?' he asks. 'Sure thing boss!' Jeremy replied, 'don't you worry, I've got this.' So the boss leaves for his errands, leaving young Jeremy in charge of the store. Some time later, a woman walks in. She's in search of a mechanized equivalent of the male boomstick of glory. Jeremy shows her the so-called model 'Hercules'; huge, veiny and with a firm grip. The woman is very intrigued and leaves the store thrilled to bits. Several other women pass by aswell and Jeremy proves himself to be a keen salesman of battery-powered penises. All women leave the store satisfied with there purchase. Then an elderly lady walks in the store in search of some private pleasure. Jeremy shows her the top of the stock, but the lady seems dearly unimpressed. Then, a spectacular model catches her eye. 'What about that red one?' she asks. 'Oh, I see, mylady is a connoisseur!' Jeremy replies. He shows her the model and with a light tred and a big grin, the lady leaves the store. Later that afternoon, the boss returns and asks how business has been. Beaming with pride, Jeremy replies: 'It was great! I made quite the sells!' 'Oh really?' the boss asks, impressed, 'what models did you sell?' 'Well sir, 1 model Hercules, 1 model King Kong, 2 LongSchlong21's and the fire-extinguiser.'
Well, at least that's been my experience so far.
Because if they didn't, the state's population would die out pretty quickly.
Grandma's taking it pretty hard.
Communication is key
Mr. Bigger's baby because he's a little bigger.
That must be why everyone calls him the 'supreme reader'.
Doctor: I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus. Patient: I'm not into this astrology shit. Doctor: Me neither, my thermometer just broke.
Can’t say I’m surprised.
They operate on a shoestring budget.
"Alfred could you fill up the bathtub please" batman said after entering the room. Alfred replied with, "what's a htub sir?"
"Stop shaking the ladder you little shit."
I don’t know why
I have a father figure
Random dad: How can I help you? Man: Call me an ambulance! Random dad: You're an ambulance
Dad didn't look surprised when I told him.
He stops at nothing to avoid them
It would be a travesty.
Must be the high Mercury content.