Also the angles
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
is technically, not a question
But I wanted to be transparent.
A piece of cake.
She's probably pulling your leg.
It runs in your jeans
But I called her Bluff.
I thought, how dairy
I called my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up burgers and fries on my way home from work, but she just grunted at me…
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins…
Wife: I can't believe they're still together after all that shit. Me: Who? Wife: My butt cheeks.
It was bang on target.
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old hockey players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is not whether we win or lose, but how we play together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when a penalty is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the referee, or call him a pecker-head." Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I call you off the ice so that another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'adumb a–hole', is it?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
Smoking bacon cures it
That’s not a good sign.
More on this after the break.
Worm: Thanks for the “worm” welcome God: creates birds
Because they’re good at it.
Unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.
It's 150 minus the number of rolls of toilet paper you have at home.
I know he's going to treat her well, I heard they worship cows.
Only a fraction of the people will get this joke
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!" He said, "Nobody loves me." I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?" He said, "Yes." I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?" He said, "A Christian." I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?" He said, "Protestant." I said, "Me, too! What franchise?" He said, "Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?" He said, "Northern Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist." I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region." I said, "Me, too!" Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?" He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912." I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over. -Emo Philips
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
But “Shatner Panties” was not a good business.
^ this is the truth.
Sails are through the roof.