Amazing Team Player
The interviewer calls the candidate for the interview.
The candidate enters and gives his resume. The interviewer takes a look and mentions that he is going to peruse through it.
The interviewer starts reading through the projects and sees that he single-handedly led all his teams. He commends him on the same.
He looks again and sees that one of his main characteristics is a good team player.
He is confused and asks him "It says here that you are a team but you single-handedly led most teams. Isn't that contradictory?"
The candidate smiles and says "If everyone in the team likes to work with me, I am a good team player, right?"
The interviewer says "Yes"
"Well, I am the only person on the team and I like working with me"
I wish tinder had it too.
I don’t know what to make of it.
An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician…
"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy." The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any other man in the country!" He then proceeds to sing the Soviet anthem, so melodically and beautifully, that everybody in the bar cheers. "Very good, very good!" says the politician. "But I still think you are spy." The man continues to keep his cool. "I am a historian! I can tell you everything about this glorious country!" He then spends about two hours recounting the Revolution, the Great Patriotic War, about how superior to the Russia is in terms of technology compared to America and makes a great argument about how communism is beneficial to society. "Amazing! You are skilled!" says the politician. The spy smirks. "But I still think you American spy." The spy is getting frustrated, but still unfazed. He replies, "I am good drinker, a true Russian! Let us drink, and see who can come out top!" The bar turns its attention to the politician and the spy, who are now in a drinking contest. The bartender serves drink after drink of vodka. After about an hour of drinking, the politician nearly passes out, unable to hold as much liquor as the spy, to a resounding cheer amongst the bar. In the midst of the cheering, the Russian politician gets up, smiling, and in a slurred speech, repeats, "You are good, you are good… but I still think you are spy." The American spy, piss drunk, loses his skill and gives up. "Okay, you got me. I am an American. But what made you think that way, after all this time?" The Russian politician replies, "There aren't many black people in Russia."
I really enjoy watching the end credits.
So I packed up my stuff and right!
So many plot holes. Like, where did the murder hornets go? Why introduce them if they're not important to the story? I'm feeling Lost.
In Pharmacology, all drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name. For example, the trade name of Tylenol also has a generic name of Acetaminophen. Aleve is also called Naproxen. Amoxil is also call Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra. After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin. Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.
Because being ugly every day sucks… 🙁
But they're a solid #2
SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym…
For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.
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I, foolishly, named my daughter Daenerys before seeing how Game of Thrones ended. But you live and you learn.
Now to take a big sip of coffee, sit down with my son, Judas, and read about how things worked out for this Jesus fella.
Probably because it's a Dell
" One little boy says, "None, the shotgun scared them all away." Teacher says, "That's not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you're thinking." Boy says to teacher, "I have a question for you." "There's 3 women eating ice cream cones. 1 is licking, 1 is sucking, 1 is biting. Which one is married?" Teacher answers (slightly embarrassed), "I imagine it's the one sucking." Boy says, "No, it's the one with the wedding ring, but I like the way your thinking !"
Blunt: Hey what the fuck man
Now it is Times New Ramen
I said “Don’t worry we’ll all be in the same boat”
So I packed my stuff up and right
My wife and I are following a Ketogenic, low carb diet plan, but this morning I cheated and had a donut for breakfast.
Oddly enough, when I came clean during dinner this evening, she seemed only upset about the pastry and not at all that I had slept with another woman.
Unfortunately, she blew it…
My son's shit drawing of a snake.
I simply told her “This umbrella is mine. Go get your own.”
A cowboy sees a bunch of American Indians on the horizon and thinks: ”I’m fucked…”, but a voice in the back of his head says: ”Not so fast! Kill the chief!!!”
''What?! Why?'' – thinks the cowboy. ''Just kill the chief!'' – says the voice. The cowboy hesitated a bit more and than drew his gun and shot the chief. As the chief was falling from his horse the voice in the cowboy's head said: ''Now you're fucked…''
His trial is expected to last forever
From a well, actually.
When she noticed me, we went for a run
"I can't come today"
They have deep sedimental value to me.
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You open windows.
If found guilty he'll be given a real tough sentence
It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.