AMD employee FIGHTS INTEL and AMD employees infront of FANBOYS!
A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt.
The bartender asks: “What can I get you?” The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”
Did you hear about the guy trapped inside of a giant cucumber at the bottom of the ocean?
He was really in a pickle.
Why are students prohibited from playing Fortnite during school?
It would be really hard to tell where the gunshots are coming from
Don’t belittle kids.
Be tall, it's much better.
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a nickel-less cage.
I got my dad a refrigerator for Christmas
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it!
OH NO NO NO NO
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy. "Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife." "That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit." "That'll be me then," said Paddy.
What is the opposite of minimum?
minidad
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women, I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said "It didn't work out." She told me to be more specific so I said "I just told you, she didn't exercise."
Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
My son is a man trapped in a woman’s body.
He'll be born in April
An Xbox One and a PS4 get attacked… Here comes the ambulance!!!
WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU!
I gave away my empty batteries.
They were free of charge!
Did you hear the one about the giant throwing up?
It’s all over town.
I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger.
Then it hit me
Success is like pregnancy
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got F**ed to achieve it.
I have a lot of unemployment jokes
But none of them work
How many mystery novel writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Why is gambling illegal in China
Because they hate Tibet
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
A bra, car battery and some jumper cables walk into a bar..
The car battery and jumper cables go find a seat while the bra asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender replies, "I'm not serving you! You're obviously off your tits and your two mates look like they're about to start something."
My boyfriend asked me why i never blinked during foreplay.
I said I didn't have time .
People think being a waitress isn’t a respectable job.
But hey, it puts food on the table.
My kid asked today where I learned to make ice-cream
I answered 'in sundae school', he laugh-snorted, my wife gave me the look we all know here.
Two antennae got married
The ceremony was alright but the reception was EXCELLENT!
I told the wife I could make a car out of spaghetti
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused…
I guess it was the delivery!
A bear walks into a bar..
He walks up to the bartender and says "Can I get a……………….beer?" Bartender says "Why the big pause?" Bear responds "idk man I was born with them"
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.