But when I do, he usually laughs
A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet." The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."
Check out Tender!
There are a few people waiting, so she strikes up a conversation with him. Just then, she hears a blood curdling scream! “What was that?” she asks. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” says Saint Peter, “It’s just someone getting a hole drilled in their head so they can be fitted for their halo.” A few seconds later, she hears another agonized scream, this one even more terrible than the one before. “What was that?!” she asked anxiously. “Oh ,don’t worry,” says Saint Peter soothingly, “It’s just someone getting holes drilled in their back so they can be fitted for their wings.” The lady starts to back away. “Where are you going?” asks Saint Peter. “I think I’ll go downstairs, if it’s all the same to you,” says the lady. “But you can’t go there,” says the saint, “You’ll be raped and sodomized!” “It’s OK,” says the lady, “I’ve already got the holes for that.”
It was hard to grasp.
Math posts make me feel number.
It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
So i packed up my things and right
It was pretty cool, she even recommended some girls I might like to sleep with next
Her first husband, Ted, passed away She married again, and she and Bob had 7 more children. Bob was killed in a car accident, 12 years later. Judy again remarried, and this time, she and John had 5 more children. Judy finally died, after having 25 children. Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed for her. He thanked the Lord for this very loving woman and said, “Lord, they are finally together.” Ethel leaned over and quietly asked her best friend, Margaret … “Do you think he means her first, second, or third husband?” Margaret replied, “I think he means her legs, Ethel . .
Please don't. She's out of town on a business trip until Monday.
– with millions of clocks around the room. Confused, he stood up and asked, "What are the clocks for?" Saint Peter said to him, "These are the clocks of everyone in the world, they only move when someone lies." So John goes to one and says, "Why has this one only moved twice?" Saint Peter said, "that is Abraham Lincoln's, it has moved twice for he has only lied twice in his life." John goes to another, he asked, "Why hasn't this one moved?" Saint Peter says, "That is Saint Teresa's, for she has never lied." Curious now, John asked, "Where is Donald Trump's clock?" Amused, Saint Peter says, "Oh, Jesus is using it as a ceiling fan in his office."
Because it's made of hide
…is just the letter n doing a forward roll.
The bartender looks at him and says, “Do you know you’ve got a steering wheel in your pants?” The pirate goes, “Aye, it’s been driving me nuts!”.
My 7/yo sister said this at the dinner table while me and my dad were talking: What did one paper say to the other?
Nothing. Paper doesn't talk. That's how I want you to be. Like paper.
Because he pities the fuel.
I could immediately feel it getting wetter and wetter. I took my finger back out and within seconds she was going down on me. "I really need a new boat", I thought to myself.
Slogan: Guaranteed to last a lifetime
Only 25 looters per store please.
Boss: "Certainly not!" Assistant: "Thank you so much sir."
Because they lactose.
I don't get the difference.
Judge: Who the hell are you? You are not even in this trial. Me: I know. I just want it on the record.
They always drop their needles!!