AMD employee FIGHTS INTEL and AMD employees infront of FANBOYS!
Whats the rudest type of elf?
A gofuckyourself.
What do you call a wandering nun?
A "roamin" Catholic.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.
As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"
A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his ass
The doctor described his condition as stable
An alcoholic law student walks into a bar . . .
He regretted not passing the bar.
Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford comma walk into a bar.
They both have a great time.
Why are horses no fun?
Because they are neigh-sayers
My dog ate my computer science homework
It took him a couple of bytes
Dad: so at the ball drop we all have to put our left leg in the air
Me: why Dad: so we can start the new year on the right foot! Me: why are you the way that you are
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,
I've said it before.
What’s the heights of over confidence
. Edit: thank you kind stranger for the Silver!
Babies shouldn’t be delivered.
Livers are important.
Nothing starts with an N and ends with a G.
Change my mind.
I once walked in on my teachers having sex
Being homeschooled was never easy for me
Why are there no cases of COVID-19 in Antarctica?
Because they're ice-o-lated
Australians dont reproduce
They mate
You know Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same,
Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.
I don’t understand why people celebrate pi day
It’s irrational.
I almost got raped in jail
My family takes monopoly too seriously
What do you call 52 pieces of bread?
A deck of carbs.
What’s the difference between a jeweler and a prison guard?
one watches cells and one sells watches
What kind of bees produce milk ?
Boo bees
I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm
Its loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel dizzy and sick.
My local barber was arrested for selling drugs! I was his customer for years!
Never knew he was a barber
Last night I rode my bike to a bar here in town
and I had a few beers, followed by a few bourbons and a number of shots….. I still had the sense to know I was over the limit. That's when I decided to do what I have never done before, I locked up my bike in a secure place, and I took a cab home. Sure enough, there was a police check point on the way home, and since it was a cab, they waved it past. I arrived home safely without incident. This came as a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab before, I don't even know where I got it from, and now that it is in my garage, I don't know what to do with it.
A Syrian kid in France.
A Syrian kid and his refugee family move to France. On his first day of school his teacher asks him "what is your name?". To which he politely responds, "My name is Abdul and I am from Syria (Middle-East accent)..She abruptly stops him and corrects him. "No! From now on you are French and your name is Jacque.". He ponders it over and agrees, you're right I am French now and my name is Jacque. Upon arriving home his mother asks him how his first day at school was? He abruptly stops her and tells his mother he is French now and that she needs to call him Jacque. She proceeds to beat the shit out of him and reminds him that he is Syrian and his name is Abdul. She also tells him to wait and see what his father thinks when he arrives. Upon arrival, and finding out, his father beats the shit out of him and reminds him that he is Syrian and his name is Abdul. The next day at school, the teacher in shock asks him, "OMG! What happened to your face?!" He responds: "You would not believe it! Less than 2 hours after becoming French, I was brutally attacked by 2 Islamic terrorists!"
How do you know when your wife is dead?
The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
People with diarrhoea are easy-going…
No text found
The female janitor at my building asked if I would chill and smoke some weed with her
I said no. I can't deal with high maintenance women
How the Germans bailed out Greece
It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night. The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel. The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna. The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him 'services' on credit. The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note. The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything. At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town. No one produced anything. No one earned anything. However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.
Which Disney Park ride has the most area for people to wait?
Space Mountain.
Have you heard about corduroy pillows?!?
They are making headlines!!!
