The bartender asks: “What can I get you?” The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”
He was really in a pickle.
It would be really hard to tell where the gunshots are coming from
Be tall, it's much better.
Now I have a nickel-less cage.
I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it!
Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, recently received a letter from the Department for Work & Pensions stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them. On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy. "Well," said Paddy, "there's the farm hand, I pay him £240 a week, and he has a free cottage. Then there's the housekeeper. She gets £190 a week, along with free board and lodging. There's also the half-wit. He works a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about £25 a week along with a bottle of whisky and, as a special treat, occasionally gets to sleep with my wife." "That's disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit." "That'll be me then," said Paddy.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl and I said "It didn't work out." She told me to be more specific so I said "I just told you, she didn't exercise."
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
He'll be born in April
WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU! WiiU!
They were free of charge!
It’s all over town.
Then it hit me
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you got F**ed to achieve it.
But none of them work
Two. One to screw it in almost all the way, and another one to give it a surprising twist at the end.
Because they hate Tibet
A man entered his home and discovered that someone had stolen every single lamp present in the house.
He was absolutely delighted.
The car battery and jumper cables go find a seat while the bra asks the bartender for 3 beers. The bartender replies, "I'm not serving you! You're obviously off your tits and your two mates look like they're about to start something."
I said I didn't have time .
But hey, it puts food on the table.
I answered 'in sundae school', he laugh-snorted, my wife gave me the look we all know here.
The ceremony was alright but the reception was EXCELLENT!
You should have seen her face when I drove pasta
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused…
I guess it was the delivery!
He walks up to the bartender and says "Can I get a……………….beer?" Bartender says "Why the big pause?" Bear responds "idk man I was born with them"
19 and easily spread.