AMD employee FIGHTS INTEL and AMD employees infront of FANBOYS!

There was once a man who read no books
He roamed around as the most popular guy in the town. One day, his friend told recommended him a book, telling him that he "must read it!!" So he did. A while later, he went back to his friend, telling him that he had read it. Suddenly, a bunch of his friends dropped out of his life, like magic. Curious about his, he told another one of his friends that he had read it. Just like that, BAM! He now had half the friends that he used to have. He went around telling people, until no one knew him except for the guy who had recommended him the book. In tears, he asked him what had happened. His friend replied, "oh, didn't I tell you?" "Tell me what?" "People who use "read it" have no friends."
You really shouldn’t watch any horror movie today
It may, Fri 10 you.
Don’t read Part A backwards.
It’s a trap!
We were watching a documentary on African wildlife, and my son asked me, “Is it difficult to spot cheetahs?”
Me: No, I think they come that way.
I took my mom to the computer hardware repair store.
It didn't take much time to make my mother bored.

US government: “The Coronavirus Outbreak Has Officially Reached The United States” Boomers:
https://ift.tt/2OjN7Rs
You haven’t tried the delicious Bacon-Liver-Anchovy sandwich?
You're missing gout.
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office:
I will find you. You have my Word!

The most corrupt president in American history. Also pictured: Richard Nixon.
https://ift.tt/2qIn6m2
There were three POWs together in a British prison in the Second World War, a German, a Japanese, and an Italian.
The British began by torturing the German. After long hours of silence infected by bloodcurdling screams, he talked, and was sent back to the prison, ashamed. He told the others what he had done and urged them to be stronger than he was. They next began torturing the Japanese man. Through all the pain and agony, he stayed strong for three days, but in the end, talked. He was sent back to the prison, having brought shame to himself, his family, and his country. They finally sent in the Italian. For an unending three weeks, they tortured him, until they realized if they did anything else to the poor man, he would die, so they sent him back. When he got back to the prison cell bloody and battered, the other POWs asked him, "So? Did you talk?" "How could I talk with my hands tied behind my back?"
What’s the difference between a filthy Greyhound terminal and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station, and one is a busty crustacean.
Me: Do you have that new book about living with a small penis?
Librarian: I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet. Me: Yeah, that’s the one.
If you ever think times are tough, just imagine being a pig.
Two out of three little ones have no household.
I was yelling really loud into my colander
And I think I strained my voice.
What did the cannibal’s wife do when he came home late for dinner?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she's fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Teacher : Why didn’t you come to the school yesterday?
Student : My dad is in the hospital 1 week later.. Teacher : Is your dad still in the hospital? Student : Yes, he is a doctor.
Why were people running towards Finland?
It was a race to the Finnish.
What are the strongest days of the week?
Saturday and Sunday…the rest are weekdays.
A blonde got tired of blonde jokes…
One evening, she went home and memorized all the state capitals. Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement, "I've had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do. I memorized all of the state capitals." One of the guys, of course, said, "I don't believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?" "N," she answered.
Why don’t churches have WiFi?
They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works. 😀
For Halloween I’ve got a job making plastic Draculas
There's only two of us working here so I have to make every second count.
A man dies and meets God
God tells him "Because of your excellent behaviour in life, I will grant you one wish, you can ask me anything." The man says "Okay, Tell me who killed JFK?" God says "It was Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone, using his own rifle" The man says "Wow, this goes higher up than I thought"
Why was the Tatooine IRS always going after the sand people?
Because they single file to hide their numbers.
Danny cannot make his wife orgasm, so he goes to the doctor for some advice…
He goes to the doctor and says, "Look, I just can't bring my wife to orgasm in bed, it's a real problem." The doctor says, "Well, is it too warm?" "Yes, it's absolutely sweltering" "Then get an air conditioner" "I can't afford air conditioner doc, I'm too poor" "Well, Danny, do you have a good friend, I mean a real close friend?" "Yeah, I've got a close friend, Frank" "Well, ask your friend Frank to stand over you and your wife with a towel, wafting you both to cool you down, that might help." So, Danny asks Frank for this favor, who then agrees to help him. That night, Danny is in bed with his wife, pounding away with Frank fanning them with the towel but it's doing nothing for her. Danny says, "Well this isn't working, let's swap." So Danny takes the towel and starts wafting Frank, who is now making love to Danny's wife. Not long after, Danny's wife goes "Oooh… oh that's it, I'm about to cum, I'm going to cum!" Danny shouts, triumphantly, "You see, Frank?! That's how you waft a fucking towel!"
I should have listened to my grandfather…
— what did he say? — I don't know. I didn't listen.
A child asks his father what “gay” means
The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
During his presidency, there were some files that even Obama couldn’t touch.
The *For Biden* files.
A team of archaeologists were working in Jerusalem when they found a slab of rock with five figures carved on it.
In order the figures were: 1) A Woman. 2) A Donkey. 3) A Shovel. 4) A Fish. 5) A Star of David. After months of studying the rock and figures on it, the leader took the rock and went on a lecture tour. He said the carvings were several thousands of years old but even so they revealed a lot about the people of that time. 1) The woman being placed first in the line of figures indicated that women were held in very high esteem. It was most likely a family oriented culture. 2) The donkey indicated they had domesticated animals. They probably used the donkey to till the fields. 3) The shovel shows they were highly intelligent as they knew how to make tools. 4) The fish shows they knew how to augment the crops they raised by also reaping from the sea. 5) The Star of David of course indicates they were a very religious group of people. A little old man in the front row finally got the attention of the speaker. When acknowledged he said "I'm sorry to harm your conclusions, but you were reading it left to right. In Hebrew we read from right to left. That way it reads: "Holy mackerel dig the ass on that woman!"
My favourite sex position is called “WOW” …
It's where I flip your MOM over
Friends are like snow
When you pee on them, they disappear.
What’s all this nonsense about nothing flying at Gatwick airport.
My drone's been flying about there all morning no problem.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
Look for the fresh prints
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
They are really good at it.