AMD employee FIGHTS INTEL and NVIDIA employees infront of FANBOYS!
A Blonde Woman Asks For A $5000 Loan
A blonde woman walks into a bank in NYC before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan. The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?" The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce." The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?" The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her. They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner. Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks. When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question. We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?" The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
“I’d like to have a toast” said the father-in-law at his daughters wedding
"Add some jam on it," he continued (Smh this wasn't appreciated enough at r/jokes)
“Mom I have started dating our neighbour…”
"Anders?! But honey, he could be your father!" says mom. Daughter replies "Mom, age is just a number!" "I wasn't talking about his age!"
Spoiler Alert!
https://imgur.com/0oRfgob
I was fired from the keyboard factory yesterday
I wasn't putting on enough shifts
What did the authorities do when Barbie’s boyfriend was involved in a serious car accident?
They contacted his next of Ken. That's a damn good joke. I'm proud of that joke.
Do you know how ISIS elevator works?
You press the button and six floors come down.
The person who invented autocorrect walks into a barn.
He orders a bear.
I combined laxatives and alphabet soup.
I call it "Letter Rip."
I’m really pleased that our band has just signed a Jamaican triangle player.
Now every little ting is gonna be all right!
I ate a watch once…
It was so time consuming.
Did you hear about the lumberjack who got a promotion?
Now he's a branch manager.
If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A roamin’ catholic
My son cheated on his physics test, and has no idea how much trouble he is in.
He doesn’t understand the gravity of the situation.
Just so everybody’s clear…..
I'm going to put my glasses on
Redditors: please be careful this holiday season
Last night, I went to a Christmas party. I had a few beers, then a few cocktails, then a few shots … I still had the sense to know I was over the limit. That’s when I decided to do why I have never done before: I took a cab. Sure enough, there was a police DUI checkpoint on the way home, and since it was a cab they waved me through. I arrived home safely and without incident. This was both a great relief and a surprise because I had never driven a cab home before. I don’t even know where I got it from, and now that it’s in my garage, I don’t know what to do with it.
Why nice guys finish last & Why Abundance Is So important in business, in life and in RELATIONSHIPS!
So just wanted to break down “Why Nice Guys Finish Last” to you guys. The “Nice guy” is AGREEABLE to everything. When you are agreeable to everything you are giving all your power away. You are less likely to lead, you are less likely to be ASSERTIVE and you are less lIKELY to be DOMINANT. The nice Guys Lacks Confidence and power. The number one trait women are attracted too is confidence. In the animal kingdom only the strong survives and gets the mate. Women need a men who provides and protects her and a nice guy just comes off as weak. https://youtu.be/eofqXOi1Fdw
What was the farmer doing on the other side of the road?
Catching all the chickens that had crossed it
As a school project, we wanted to perform a Jesus play
but the only guy who had the traditional famous Jesus look had blonde hair. We begged him to dye it black, but he refused. After explaining it to his parents, they agreed to let their son dye for our scenes.
I went to the doctors wanting a brain transplant
They changed my mind
I tried to come up with a good acid pun
But they're all too basic 🙁
We’ve got a Polish sound guy
Cheque one too
Just found out why my toast kept getting burnt
My toaster had pop-up blocker on.
Boy aged 4: Dad, I’ve decided to get married.
Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world! Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there! Boy: What problem?! Dad: She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother! Boy: Why not?! You married mine!
“He who lives by the sword, shall die by the sword” said Jesus
the carpenter who was nailed to some wood
I have a weird fetish for figuring things out.
I just came to this realization.
As I got on the 51st floor, the elevator attendant said “see you later, son”. I said indignantly, “don’t call me ‘son’, you’re not my dad!”
… To which the lift attendant replied, "Maybe not, but I brought you up, didn't I?"
Why are electricians the best journalists?
They are always working on current events.
Poop jokes aren’t my favorite
But they're a solid #2
The sweater I bought recently kept picking up static-electricity, so I returned it to the store.
They gave me another one, free of charge.
I was going to type down a cashier joke
But I didn’t think that would make any cents
Someone stole my Microsoft Office, and they’re going to pay.
You have my word
To the person who hacked into my reddit account…
I will find you, and I will kill you. edit: no you wont
I found a wallet…
I found a wallet and there was a fresh 100 dollar bill. I asked myself, what would have Jesus done? So I turned it into wine.