An Authoritarian walks into a bar.
Orders everyone around.
If I never have to deal with another “custom CMS” ever again, it’ll be too soon… The latest one that’s been inflicted upon me, inspired me to make this meme:https://ift.tt/3fAGfuV
I'm only doing it to get my foot in the door.
"My son told me he is transgender." "So?" "That makes me transparent."
So after a while I decided to give it another try, and it wasn’t half bad. I guess I got off on the wrong foot
When I told my son I was named after Thomas Jefferson, he looked quizzically at me and said, “But your name is Brian…”
I exclaimed, “I know, but I was named AFTER Thomas Jefferson!"
If it gets any worse I'll have to let her in.
Black, asian, normal, it doesn't matter
Some lady got her nipple pierced. And I got banned from playing darts.
In Germany, A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, “That’s not it” and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it."
The dog says, “but I rounded them up.”
Because 7 was a registered 6 offender
"You guys want to see a dead body?"
Can’t say I’m surprised.
I call it Carbon Dating.
Husband: Hi pregnant, I'm dad. Wife: No you're not.
There are three people on a boat, all smokers. They have a total of four cigarettes, but no matches. How do they manage to smoke?
They throw one of the cigarettes overboard, and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
I said, "In a gym."
All that was left was de Brie.
They never get any green cards.
I spotted my ex girlfriend across the hall of the museum, but I was too self conscious to go say hello.
There was just too much history between us.
That is how i lost my job as a bus driver.
but the second mouse gets the cheese.
He took a short cut.