An beautiful woman orders a turkey sandwich at a deli, with pickles on the side. The guy behind the counter looks at her and says, “You like big pickles?” and winks. As he slides her a pastrami sandwich she looks at him, smiles, licks her lips and says
Wait, wrong sub.
As I was wiping my shoe, I watched another guy also step in it. I said to him "I just did that". He walked over, punched me in the face and screamed, "You disgusting bastard!".
I’m not sure I can run that far
It was about time.
I was – like – 0MG.
These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy. He is a web designer.
I guess that's why I'm always reposting.
Because when they left the old country, immigration officers put a sticker on their lapel that read To NY.
Then the American said “Look, in my country I can complain about the government. I can walk into the Oval Office, pound my fist on the President’s Desk and say ‘Mr. President, I don’t like the way you’re running our country’” The Russian said “I can do the same thing” The American was stunned and said “Really?” The Russian responded “Yes, I can walk to Moscow, go to the Secretary of State’s office, pound my fist on his desk and say ‘President Secretary of State, I don’t like the way the American President is running their country”
It was an Apple, but with extremely limited memory. Just one byte. And then everything crashed. Edit: My first award! Thanks!
The stock market.
A broken drum Nothing can beat it!
A mathematician walks into a bar, asks for a beer for himself, and then 10 beers for everyone else there.
The bartender says, “Wow! That’s a different order of magnitude.”
Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent
Aisle B, back.
That'd be way too many
Police are following a number of leads.
One says to the other, "you know how to drive this thing?"
Nobody expects the spanish ink precision
I watched it all unfold.
Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
Their words, not mine.
I just can't think of one atm
We are going on vacation somewhere else next year.
They work just fine outside as well
I’ve never had a beef with one.