An egyptian mother tells his son “im a proud mummy”
No text found
I have no words
French guy, showing off his yacht collection: This is Un. Here is Deux, Trois, Quatre and, finally, Six.
Her: Where is the 5th? French guy: Cinq.
No text found
"I'm breathing underwater." I've never been prouder.
A Brothel Sprout
Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
Don’t know if this is a scam but I just received a text saying I’d won $250 cash or 2 tickets to an Elvis tribute night.
It says press 1 for the money or 2 for the show.
The first girl says, ‘My boyfriend can fit a whole fist up there.’ The second girl says, ‘Ha, my boyfriend can fit two fists and a foot.’ The third girl just smiles as she slides down the bar stool.
It's like I have never seen herbivore
Everyone was dribbling on it.
A Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex
Was a really uplifting experience. The second time let me down.
His name was Sir Gay
Because they're good buoys.
This is going to be the first year that I haven’t taken a vacation in Paris, because of the pandemic.
Usually it is due to lack of money
I said, "I'm not too fussy as long as it doesn't have ghosts in."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
While trying to avoid hitting a dog, I lost control of my car and landed in a ditch by the side of road. With some difficulty, as I crawled out of the ditch, a beautiful woman who had stopped her car and came to help me asked "Are you okay?" "I'm okay I think," I replied as I pulled myself up. She said, “Come, get in my car. I’ll take you to my place that is only few blocks away. You can clean up, and then I will examine to confirm that you are not hurt.” "That's nice of you," I answered, "but I don't think my wife will like me doing that!" "Oh, come on, I’m a Doctor," she insisted. "We need to see if you have any scrapes and treat them properly." Well, she was really pretty and very kind. I could not say no, but repeated, "I'm sure my wife won't like this." We arrived at her place and after cleaning up, she examining me to confirm that I do not have any major injury and then offered a drink. We had couple of drinks, but all along I was feeling guilty and finally told her, "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset so I'd better go now." "Don't be silly!" she said with a smile, "Stay for a while. She won't know anything. I suppose, she must be at home, right?" "Well, not really. She must be still in the ditch."
He is probably going to face time
A spelling bee!
A well educated Barista
You can, but it has to be a cakewalk
Anyone can mash potatoes.
For example, right now you’re thinking, “It’s psychic, you idiot!”
Unless you multiply yourself by the spped of light squared then you Energy
Because they lactose.
I can’t see it taking off.
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
It was Khanage.
The American teenage girl gets stoned before sex.
Months later she wakes up, and asks the doctor about her baby. Doctor: Don't worry, they're just fine. You had twins, a boy and a girl, and your brother named them for you. Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name them? Doctor: Well, the girl is called Denise. Woman: Oh, that's not too bad! What about the boy? Doctor: Denephew.
It would definitely spice up my autobiography.