An interesting title
If A is for apple, and B is for banana, then what is C for?
Plastic explosives.
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath…
She didn't really appreciate the sketch and threw it away…
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Women are actually turning into good drivers
So if you’re a good driver, watch out for women turning
Genie: “What’s your first wish?”
Steve: "I wish I was rich." Genie: "What’s your second wish, Rich?"
My wife texted me: “Why are you typing everything in lowercase?”
Me: i stopped giving a shift.
“Mom I have started dating our neighbour…”
"Anders?! But honey, he could be your father!" says mom. Daughter replies "Mom, age is just a number!" "I wasn't talking about his age!"
Therapist: your wife says you never buy her flowers.
Husband: to be honest, I didn’t know she sold flowers.
A meme I made. Pay no attention to my partner in the otter room with Paint open.
A meme I made. Pay no attention to my partner in the otter room with Paint open.
I hope she realises that ‘R’ is constant in the equation but not her boyfriend
https://ift.tt/2tQe5ZT
How do birds communicate?
They Tweet.
A female janitor at my building asked me if i wanted to smoke some weed with her.
I politely declined- I can't deal with high maintenance women.
Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2?
Because it’s Tuesday.
I can’t stand when people kick me in the back of the leg
No text found
I proposed to my ex-wife today
She said no, she thinks I'm just after my money.
A colon can completely change a sentence.
Mary ate her friend's lunch. Mary ate her friend's colon.
My friends laughed at me when I told them I had a hot date and they said she was imaginary.
Well the jokes on them – they’re imaginary too.
I made a pencil with two erasers.
To be honest, it was pointless.
The secret service isn’t allowed to yell “Get down!” anymore when the president is about to be attacked.
Now they have to yell "Donald, duck!"
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree. Who hits the ground first?
The leaf. The rope stopped the emo.
My grandpa’s “triple pun”
This joke holds a special place in my heart. My grandpa told me it and I never forgot it. About 2 years later when I brought it up to him, he didn't remember it. So I told him the joke and he peed himself laughing … At his own joke. "Why did the man ask for his eggs Benedict to be served on a hubcap?" "Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise"