An Oriental man was sitting in a restaurant in Chinatown when a Jew suddenly came up and tipped a bowl of fried rice over his head.
"That's for Pearl Harbour" , said the Jew. "But I'm Chinese", cried the man. The Jew was unrepentant. "Chinese, Siamese, Japanese, you're all the same!" At this, the Chinaman picked up his plate of sweet and sour chicken and threw it over the Jew. "That's for sinking the Titanic", shouted the Chinaman. "But the Titanic was sunk by an iceberg…" "Goldberg, greenberg, iceberg…"
Me: I think I have a crush on Beyoncรฉ.
Her: Whatever floats your boat. Me: No. Thatโs buoyancy.
What do you call a mermaid in a wheelchair?
Sushi roll.
When does a joke become a โdad jokeโ?
When it becomes apparent
I ordered a thesaurus online, but when it arrived and I opened it, the whole book was empty, all pages blank!
There are no words to describe how mad I am!
Since itโs Fathers Day, my wife asked if I could tell dad jokes all day tomorrow.
I told her I donโt know anyone named Morrow.
If babies are delivered by a stork,
Then fat babies must be delivered by a crane.
A man was hospitalised with 6 plastic horses up his ass
The doctor described his condition as stable
Made this a bit ago during a chem lab. Thought you guys would appreciate it :D
https://ift.tt/2AwRSmp
I was talking with fiance out getting married and he said he wasn’t excited about being called husbands.
But he though that wife had a nice ring to it.
Why was the borrowed money happy to be returned?
Because it wasnโt a loan anymore.
How many cooks does it take to stuff a turkey?
Only one, but you really have to squeeze them in…
He had a small orange spot on the tippy tip of his chin
that is, until he… scrubbed it!!!
Years ago, I had a job translating pre Classical Greek literature into Braille.
It feels like ancient history.
Sharks have a party in the toilet
No text found
I like my girls how I like my Covid.
19 and easily spread.
What do you call somebody with no body, And No Nose?
No-body-Nose
Sony, Panasonic, Toshiba.
They're all stereo types.
Not all math puns are terrible.
Just sum.
I tried the โIf you love something, set it freeโ thing.
But my kids are still here.
What do a girlfriend and a forklift have in common ?
If you don't have one, you have to unload by hand
When I was 18 I wanted to kill myself…
But I'm a procrastinator, so I picked up smoking.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
No text found
If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, then what is C for?
Plastic explosives.
Why is the mens bathroom always on the left?
Because women are always right.
I’ll never forget my Dad’s final words
"Son, toss me that hatchet"
Doctor : Does it hurt?
Mother : Yes, a lot. Doctor : So are we vaccinating the baby, or should I slap you again?
Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, and due to some administrative foul up, Clinton gets sent to heaven and the Pope gets sent to hell.
The Pope explains the situation to the hell administration, they check their paperwork, and the error is acknowledged. They explain, however, that it will take about 24 hours to make the switch. The next day, the Pope is called in and the hell administration bids him farewell and he heads for heaven. On the way up, he meets Clinton on the way down, and they stop to chat. Pope: Sorry about the mix up. Clinton: No problem. Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven. Clinton: Why's that? Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary. Clinton: You're a day late.
Guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender, โwhatโs the WiFi password?โ
The bartender replies, โyou need to buy a beer first.โ So the guy buys a beer, and asks again, โwhatโs the WiFi password?โ The bartender replies, โyou need to buy a beer first, all lowercase, no spaces or punctuation.โ
I sent my wife a picture of my flaccid penis.
Just to let her know I was thinking of her.