And none was learned
That’s why we also call them the Infantry.
I told him pilot jobs aren't really taking off at the moment.
A man takes his seat at the Superbowl. He looks over and notices there’s an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the Superbowl?” The guy replies, "Well that was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five Superbowls together, but sadly she passed away.” The man says back, "That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another close family member to come with you?” The guy says, "No. They're all at the funeral."
You should have seen the look on her face as I drove pasta
I went out with my girlfriend to a fancy restaurant last night and after we’d eaten she kept insisting on paying for the meal.
I said, "Don't be stupid, we're half way down the road now. Just keep running!!'
Sometimes he even laughs
I said, “I would have loved to have a brother or a sister.” They said, “That’s not what we meant.”
It runs in the jeans.
2, 3, 5, and 7 are the prime suspects.
She still isn't talking to me.
They’re hill areas.
50 cent ft. Nickelback
The less suicidal people there are
I don’t think I’ll ever be able to repay you.
That's why, in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
Me: You just did You: I'm not going to do that Me: This joke only makes sense if you read it backwards
Because they cant keep a straight face
A plain bagel.
You look for the fresh prints.
Now all I’m China do is to survive
When out of nowhere, he suddenly finds himself surrounded by 30 of the most fierce-looking tribesmen, all with long spears, bows and arrows, as what looks like the chief walks right up to him. The guy looks at his situation…and he cries out, "Oh god I'm so fucked!" Just then, the clouds above opened, and a bright light shined down upon him..and he heard a great, thunderous, but calm voice, and he said, "No, my son..you are NOT fucked. Pick up the large rock at your feet, and strike the man in front of you with all your might". The young man doesn't hesitate. He reaches down, picks up the rock, draws back and hits the chief right in the head. The chief just falls backwards, dead. Plop. The tribesmen all look at the chief, and then look at the young man, with a total look of stunned disbelief. Then the voice from above speaks again.."NOW you're fucked".
“Sorry, we’re clothed.”
They were dentical twins.
I can’t wait to see them all
Is sphere itself.
He just nuts and bolts
Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account. A hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived. And if you had a 3 1/2 inch floppy….. you just hoped nobody found out.
An ambulance. You call him an ambulance.
They forget that I exist unless they want something