And people will keep showing up too
You are the dancing queen, young and sweet, now in quarantine You can dance, you can jive, but you can’t go outside See that girl, watch that scene, but only through a screen
My mate thinks he's smart, he says onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a Coconut at his face.
A young woman goes to her doctor about two small rashes on her thighs. The doctor tests her for allergies, and then asks “Ma’am, are you a lesbian?” The woman stares for a second, then says “Yes, I am. Why?” “There’s the problem.” the doctor said “Tell your girlfriend to stop wearing cheap earrings.”
…I’d be like “why do I keep getting all these fucking nickels?”
…. Nobody knows.
Ahhh, it takes me back.
It’s open Mike night!
Because Recycling old shit is what Redditors do best . P.S.A – Do recycle ♻
We recycle our material every fucking day.
I stopped seeing her for a while.
Even our cake was in tiers.
Me: oh, that was when I went to Yale Interviewer: Amazing, you are hired! Me: hurray! I got a Yob!
Because they have mass
Hearing aids! When do we want them! Hearing aids!
A farmer quickly purchased land in a low lying depression, and began raising donkeys there. He did so with skill, and the donkeys rarely got away.
In other words, he hauled ass to amass asses in a hole asset, whole-ass not half-ass, lassoed the asses so they wouldn't by pass the ass hole.
…. when I thought "not only does my son have a really stupid name, he´s also a terrible driver"
A: Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.
Because they make up everything!
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing hide and seek. Einstein is counting. Pascal runs and hides, but Newton just draws a square and sit down. Einstein opens his eyes and exclaims, “Newton, I’ve found you!”
Newton replies, "No, you found Newton over a square meter. You've found Pascal!"
You can hear a pin drop, after all.
One turns to the other and says "what kind of music are you into?" The other one replies "I'm a big metal fan"
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire. Edit: Thanks for the silver (my first metal)!!
Now if you mention Botox, no one even raises an eyebrow.
Because theyre not self-centered.
But hey, it's in my genes.
2019 will be odd too.
It's called the Deseret Eagle.
I don't know why
Milk- it’s pasteurized before you see it
Everyday I tell the wife I’m gonna do a few miles around the neighborhood for exercise. And I never do lol.
It’s a running joke I have
Because there was no host for the Oscars. Huh? Huh? I'll show myself out.
"Is this her first child?" he asked. "No this is her husband"
Boss: "Certainly not!" Assistant: "Thank you so much sir."