AnD tHEy prObaBly gEt a ParTIcIPatioN TroPhY
The second time let me down.
Who am I to diss a brie?
but not the ones she’s been giving me lately.
Therapist: Why? Me: Screams
Outlaws are wanted.
and she's still crying. Parenting is hard
There was nothing left but de Brie.
With just the tip.
You can only ran, because it’s past tents
That's not funny.
He uses them to get high.
They were out standing in their field
People at our Christmas party were impressed when I showed off my incredibly detailed tattoo, but they didn’t believe me when I tell them I got it done in Madrid.
Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.
He liked to feel the draft coming in.
It’s because his legs are little
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I’d put the mask on before I left for work this morning……
Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey
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How dense the population is How dense the population is
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery
No guy has ever gotten kicked in the nuts, and then a couple years later says, “You know, I’d like another one.”
Because it scares the shit out of their dogs.
You don't want to be carrying the same shit into the new decade.
I yelled, "Are you crazy?!" He waved me off, saying, "It's OK, my brother does it all the time." The next light was red too, and he just sailed on through again. "You're gonna get us killed," I shouted. And he again replied, "It's OK, my brother does it all the time." The next light was green, so I was feeling better, but my cousin slammed on the brakes. I asked, "Now what?" He said, "Gotta be careful, my brother might be coming the other way."
Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.
“Same time next month?”
The dry erase board is probably the most remarkable
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.
A four chin teller
…because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.
She said, "No thanks, there's already an asshole in there."