Just a lintel bit of the time
But I knew I'd get no reaction.
The US Military had too many commanding officers so it offered a significant lump sum to those who retired…
They would measure whoever retired from one point on their body to another and pay $5,000 per inch. The first general asked to be measured from the top of his head to his tip toes and was paid $360,000. The second general was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched arms to his tip toes and was rewarded $520,000 for his creativity. The last general asked to be measured from his left testicle to his right testicle. "Are you sure about that?" the other two asked incredulously. "Yea. Last I remember my right one is still in 'Nam."
I think I'm being stalked! EDIT: a word
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Do you know how to drive this thing?
They are calling it the wurst käse scenario.
Your body takes a screenshot
The bartender asks "Is this a joke?"
It was hardcore
I can't figure out why, it might have been that every time someone left I said "Thank you for coming"
The slogan would be:" We've got you covered whether you cuming or going"
As I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"
That's how I contracted it.
He was tired of being a web developer.
..instead we say 'quatre-vingt dix neuf' which translates as 'we don't have a functional numerical system'
It does have a Liverpool
…but I don’t believe him…
A roamin' Catholic!
Because there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise.
It’s like shooting fish in apparel.
…because Monday to Friday are weak days…
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting…
He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look outside at the forest. It's such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later they'll all be cut down and this forest will look as bald as my hair." "What I want you to do…" the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, plant a new one in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall be our family's duty to keep this forest strong." So they did. Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted one, and so did their children, and their children after them. And for centuries, the forest remained as lush and pretty as it once was, all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline.
One is pretty heavy and the other is a little lighter