Anna had lost her husband almost four years ago, her daughter was constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the dating world.
Finally, Anna said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replied, “Mum I have someone for you to meet.”
Well, it was an immediate hit.
They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Paris. Their first night there, she undressed as he did.
There she stood nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties – he was in his birthday suit.
Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?”
She replied: “My upper half you can see, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.”
He knew he was not getting lucky that night.
The following night was the same – she stood there wearing the black panties, and he was in his birthday suit, but now he was wearing a black condom.
She looked at him and asked: “What’s with the black condom?”
He replied, “I want to offer my deepest condolences.”
No text found
Went out. Had a few drinks. Nice guy, he's a web designer
Which is lucky, because all my sex is made up
The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks "Why is the last one so cheap?" "Because he used to live in a brothel" says the shopkeeper. She pays $15. When she gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me, a new brothel!" The woman laughs. When her daughters get home the parrot says: "Fuck me, 2 new prozzies!" The girls laugh too. When the dad gets home the parrot says: "Fuck me Dave, haven't seen you for weeks!"
Visitor: "How old is that Tyrannosaurus skeleton?" Guide: "70,000,006 years." Visitor: "Wow. How can you be so precise?" Guide: "They told me it was 70,000,000 years old when I started working here."
Not a laughing matter.
I have no idea where it's going.
Yes we arson
…Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.
Visiting my son and his wife, who just had their first baby. At lunch, my wife said “I’m warm.” Son piped up and said “I can finally say this – Hi Warm, I’m Dad.” Proud moment.
Because some relationships don't workout.
Librarian: I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s in yet. Me: Yeah, that’s the one.
I don't know what he laced them with.. But I was trippin all day!
I have a hunch it might be me.
He was really good with his chord changes
I hate these multi-level marketing schemes.
To work on his pecks
“We are going to need to search your land for illegally grown drugs.” I said, “that’s fine, but don’t go into that field over there. You won’t like it.” Agitated by this, the officer explodes saying, “do you see this god damn badge son?! This badge means I can go where I please, when I please, how I please! You have no authority when it comes to telling me where the fuck I can go! Have I made myself clear, boy?!” I politely nodded and went back about my business. A short time after, I heard a scream, looked up to see the DEA agent being chased by my big old mean bull. Every step, gaining, closing the gap between himself and the agent. It seemed as tho he would surely get gored before returning to safety. The officer was clearly terrified. I threw down my tools, ran to the fence and screamed at the top of my lungs…. “YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR FUCKIN BADGE!!”
But then i turned myself around.
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Then he'd have a full orca straw.
It's called the Elder Scrolls Online.
Shit. Wrong thread.
He doesn't like to be spotted.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist." "Dad," I said, "I have condoms." And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
Otherwise we'd have a pandademic.
Me: “ok, this isn’t working out.”
So we stopped playing chess.
We just clicked. I am sorry. So, so sorry…
They turnip the beets.