[Announcement] If you keep spamming your youtube channels here then your post will be marked as spam.
No text found
I'm not sure what he laced them with but I was tripping all day..
I guess they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch.
"Well, you're half right."
Dip both your hands in fresh cow dung before going out. This will make sure that a) you will not touch your eyes, nose, ear or mouth. b) nobody will shake hands with you. c) Nobody will come near you when you are out in the streets. d) You will wash your hands thoroughly before you eat.
Well, that's close but no Seger. Old time rock and roll never forgets.
One is a superhero, the other is a command.
So a guy walks into a brothel. He only has $10 in his wallet, but he's truly desperate, so he asks the madam what he can get for it. She says "nothing. Try your luck in the streets or come back with some money." He says "please, I'm so desperate. Isn't there anything you can do for me?" Reluctantly, she says "well, we have a chicken. I suppose for $10 you can do what you can with that." The guy's unsure, but he hands it over and goes for it. Surprisingly, the chicken feels pretty good. He gets off and goes home. Next week, he goes back to the brothel with $10 and says "hey, can I see that chicken again?" The madam says, "I'm sorry, sir, the chicken passed away. But we do have a show tonight. Admission is just ten dollars." He agrees and squeezes into the auditorium. Two beautiful women are licking each other all over. He nudges the guy next to him and says "hey, this is pretty good!" The other guy says "you should have been here last week. They had a guy fucking a chicken!"
He's staying for the night and each of the girls come to him in turn to offer their hospitality. The first one tells him her name is June because she was born in June. She is well practiced in fortune telling and gives him advice on the future. The second one tells him her name is August because she was born in August. She practices medicine and gives him a complete physical. The third one tells him her name is Maple because she was born in the neighboring town. She tells him of a great treasure buried beneath the family stables. After digging for an entire night, he returns empty-handed to the house covered in dirt and animal excrement. He complains to the wise man about Maple's deception. The wise man replies "oh you must have met April. April fools."
Nice to meat — ew!
They relish the moment.
An archaeologist is visiting a small town in Nevada. He’s just ambling around, enjoying the play of the autumn light on the terracotta and adobe-colored buildings. He rounds a corner and is surprised to see the most, bar none, stunningly beautiful alley he’s ever come across…
It may sound like he's a bit nerdy, but we all have our things we love and he's a lover of old streets. The ground of the alley is a light orange in hue, with a soft almost nutty sheen and texture. His feet feel refreshed! The street has gorgeous slopes and embankments, like an alleyway out of Florence in the 1500s, but made out of clay stones. He sees two gentlemen working on fixing a small crack in the street, the only blemish for blocks. One of them is pounding down the clay with a wide-head sledgehammer, thwap thwap! The other is on his knees with a compass and a pick and a broom, adjusting the grade of the street material. He interrupts them to say, "Excuse me gentlemen! I hate to be a bother, but I just want to applaud your hard work on this alleyway. It's rare a city takes such good care with its streets and this one is one of the best." The man with the sledge stops and says, "Well, we appreciate that sir. You know your streets, it seems! Would it surprise you to know that the composition of this street is not adobe? It's mulched with our native nut trees, the cashew nut. That's what gives it its softness. When it rains, the petrichor has a slight sweetness due to the cashew, and the town smells fantastic. I'm just hammering it down before it gets too cold." "Well, I'll be!" cried the archaeologist. "And what's that fellow up to?" pointing to the man on his knees. "Oh him! He's in charge of checking the grade of the clay. If it's too rough, he picks and sweeps it. Backbreaking work. We hire four of them, one for each season. And since autumn just arrived, he's got a few months yet. So you see…" And here the man paused… "So you see…my hammered alley is really 'cashews clay'. And he is the gradist." . . "The gradist…of fall time."
The ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible!
They are having such a good time that they decide to play hooky and skip out on their Monday exam in psychology. They all send their professor an email saying they had a flat tire while out of town and the professor said no problem, unexpected things happen. They could take it on Tuesday. Celebrating their white lie they had another big night out and headed back on Monday. When they got back on campus Tuesday they went and saw their professor and she asked if they were all right, thanked them for letting her know ahead of time, and told them to get ready for the test. Inwardly laughing they were separated into four separate rooms so as not to cheat. All four flipped over the sheet and saw only two questions: For 5% credit, what does DSM stand for in the DSM-5? For 95% credit, which tire went flat?
At least, that’s what she said in her diary
He tells the judge, "I'm sorry it was endangered, but I had been lost in the woods for five days and I was starving." The judge deliberates a while and dismisses the case. Before the man leaves the judge whispers, "Between you and me, how did it taste?" The man replies, "It was sort of like a cross between a bald eagle and a harp seal."
I watched it all unfold.
The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.
My son has asd and though he loves to read jokes and tries to understand why they are funny, introducing wit to him has been difficult. It was more of a surprise than a joke but here goes. We recently moved to India and my wife is missing outdoors and Europe and today she said – oh I really want to go to Disneyland! To which my son said- and I really want a twister! ( Ice lolly). My wife looked at him doting on his innocence and said- Baby your dreams are so simple and innocent! To which my son replied- yeah and yours probably won't come true!
He threw in the towels.
It was udder destruction.
Germany. I'm no dad but I'll get myself into shape for when the time comes .
Because he was ostrich sized
I am on day 9 of quarantine and was wondering if anyone had any porn sites they’d like to recommend other than:
Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex… PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex… PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole Xvideos PornHub Xtube Ass parade Brazzers xHamster XNXX YouPorn YouJizz TastyBlacks HClips TnaFlix Tube8 Spankbang DrTuber Spankwire KeezMovies Nuvid SunPorno BravoTube PornHD Eporner SexVid XXXBunker TheNewPorn Mofosex… PornDreamer X18 Xbabe UpdateTube BeFuck Hdmovz PornRox PornMaki Pornid Inxporn TopFreePornVideos Slutload ProPorn FakePorn Pornhost HandjobHub Vpornvideos MyXVids Pornicom DansMovies Wetplace AdultFreex Wankflix 88fuck Fapdu Rude FreudBox AdultInc PornHeed HdPorn Orgasm PornRabbit MadThumbs Fux Eroxia DeviantClip Xxvids H2porn ApeTube MetaPorn YourLustMovies ElephantTube Long PornerBros Tubegalore 3movs Ass-Time HQButt BangBus BangBros Ghetto tube RedTube BrickHouseButts GhettoGaggers GloryHole General r/nsfw r/nsfw2 r/TipOfMyPenis r/bonermaterial r/porn r/nsfw411 r/iWantToFuckHer r/exxxtras r/distension r/bimbofetish r/christiangirls r/cuckold r/dirtygaming r/sexybutnotporn r/femalepov r/omgbeckylookathiscock /r/sexygirls r/breedingmaterial r/canthold r/toocuteforporn r/justhotwomen r/realsexyselfies r/stripgirls r/hotstuffnsfw r/uncommonposes r/gifsofremoval r/nostalgiafapping r/jizzedtothis r/verticalgifs r/pantyslide r/pornogram r/oilporn r/bisexy r/riskyporn MILF r/milf r/gonewild30plus r/preggoporn r/realmoms Teen r/legalteens r/collegesluts r/adorableporn r/legalteensXXX /r/gonewild18 r/18_19 r/just18 r/PornStarletHQ r/fauxbait Amateur r/realgirls r/amateur r/homemadexxx r/dirtypenpals r/FestivalSluts r/CollegeAmateurs r/amateurcumsluts r/nsfw_amateurs r/funwithfriends r/randomsexiness r/amateurporn r/normalnudes Cam r/Camwhores r/camsluts r/streamersgonewild Gonewild r/GoneWild r/PetiteGoneWild r/gonewildstories r/GoneWildTube r/treesgonewild r/gonewildaudio r/GWNerdy r/gonemild r/altgonewild r/gifsgonewild r/analgw r/gonewildsmiles r/onstageGW r/RepressedGoneWild r/bdsmgw r/UnderwearGW r/LabiaGW r/TributeMe r/WeddingsGoneWild r/gwpublic r/assholegonewild r/leggingsgonewild r/dykesgonewild r/goneerotic r/snapchatgw r/gonewildhairy r/gonewildtrans r/gonwild r/ratemynudebody r/gonewildhairy Age r/gonewild30plus r/gonewild18 r/onmww (formerly /r/ohnomomwentwild) Couples r/GWCouples r/gonewildcouples r/gwcumsluts r/WouldYouFuckMyWife Curves r/gonewildcurvy r/GoneWildplus r/BigBoobsGW r/bigboobsgonewild r/mycleavage Ethnicity r/AsiansGoneWild r/gonewildcolor r/indiansgonewild r/latinasgw r/pawgtastic Occupation r/workgonewild r/GoneWildScrubs r/swingersgw r/militarygonewild Snapchat r/NSFW_Snapchat r/snapchat_sluts r/snapleaks Wives r/wifesharing r/hotwife r/wouldyoufuckmywife r/slutwife r/cuckold Animated r/rule34 r/ecchi r/futanari r/doujinshi r/yiff r/monstergirl r/mechanicalsluts Comics r/rule34_comics r/sex_comics Video Games r/overwatch_porn r/pokeporn r/bowsette r/rule34lol r/rule34overwatch r/nintendowaifus r/34honor r/fivefapsatfreddys r/fortniters34 r/rainbowr34 r/fortniteporn r/breathofthegonewild r/animalcrossingr34 r/mortalcumbat r/apexlegends_porn r/templarssecret r/nsfwarframe r/tflewd r/thelostwoods Hentai r/hentai r/hentai_gif r/WesternHentai r/hentai_irl r/artistic_hentai r/hentaibeast r/hentaihumiliation r/traphentai r/guro r/ahegao r/ahegao_irl r/hypnohentai r/tentai r/handholding r/honeyfuckers r/itshiptofuckbees r/guro r/hentaibondage r/animeshorts r/kuroihada r/disgustedanimegirls r/2dtittytouching r/buttfangs r/yuri r/hentaibondage r/ZettaiRyouiki r/hentaifemdom r/animefeet r/thighhighhentai r/animebooty r/swimsuithentai r/animelegs r/animearmpits r/2dsuccubi r/animemidriff r/skindentation r/thighdeology r/chiisaihentai r/lovelivelewds r/bokunoeroacademia r/waifusgonewild r/sideoppai BDSM r/BDSM r/Bondage r/BDSMcommunity r/bdsmgw Blowjobs r/blowjobs r/deepthroat r/onherknees r/blowjobsandwich Ass r/ass r/asstastic r/facedownassup r/assinthong r/bigasses r/buttplug r/TheUnderbun r/booty r/pawg r/paag r/cutelittlebutts r/hipcleavage r/frogbutt r/HungryButts r/cottontails r/lovetowatchyouleave r/celebritybutts r/cosplaybutts r/mooning Anal r/anal r/analgw r/painal r/masterofanal r/buttsharpies Asshole r/asshole r/AssholeBehindThong r/assholegonewild r/spreadem r/candidasshole r/bendover r/ediblebuttholes r/faceandasshole Yoga pants r/girlsinyogapants r/yogapants Boobs/Nipples r/boobies r/TittyDrop r/boltedontits r/boobbounce r/boobs r/downblouse r/homegrowntits r/cleavage r/breastenvy r/youtubetitties r/torpedotits r/thehangingboobs r/page3glamour r/biggerthanyouthought Busty r/BustyPetite r/hugeboobs r/stacked r/burstingout r/BigBoobsGW r/bigboobsgonewild r/2busty2hide r/bigtiddygothgf r/engorgedveinybreasts Nipples r/pokies r/ghostnipples r/nipples r/puffies r/lactation Small r/tinytits r/aa_cups r/ilikelittlebutts Face r/braceface r/earspokingout Hair r/GirlswithNeonHair r/shorthairchicks r/blonde Legs/feet r/girlsinyogapants r/stockings r/legs r/tightshorts Feet r/buttsandbarefeet r/feet Thighs r/datgap r/thighhighs r/thickthighs r/thighdeology Pussy r/pussy r/rearpussy r/innie r/simps r/pelfie r/LabiaGW r/godpussy r/presenting r/cameltoe r/hairypussy r/lipsthatgrip r/pussytomouth r/fucklicking Mound r/moundofvenus r/pussymound Skin r/Hotchickswithtattoos r/sexyfrex r/tanlines r/oilporn r/ComplexionExcellence Waist/Tummy r/SexyTummies r/theratio Body Type r/fitgirls r/bodyperfection r/samespecies r/athleticgirls r/fitgirlsfucking Curvy/Thick/THICC r/gonewildcurvy r/curvy r/gonewildplus r/thick r/juicyasians r/voluptuous r/biggerthanyouthought r/jigglefuck r/chubby r/SlimThick r/massivetitsnass r/thicker r/thickthighs r/tightsqueeze r/casualjiggles r/bbw Petite r/BustyPetite r/dirtysmall r/petitegonewild /r/xsmallgirls r/funsized r/hugedicktinychick Celebrity/Athlete r/Athlete r/volleyballgirls r/Ohlympics Celebrity r/celebnsfw r/WatchItForThePlot r/nsfwcelebarchive /r/celebritypussy r/oldschoolcoolNSFW r/extramile r/jerkofftocelebs r/celebritybutts r/onoffcelebs Cum r/cumsluts r/GirlsFinishingTheJob r/cumfetish r/amateurcumsluts r/cumcoveredfucking r/cumhaters r/thickloads r/before_after_cumsluts r/pulsatingcumshots r/impressedbycum r/cummy Cum Location r/creampies r/throatpies r/FacialFun r/cumonclothes r/oralcreampie Emotion r/HappyEmbarrassedGirls r/unashamed r/borednignored r/annoyedtobenude Ethnicity r/damngoodinterracial Asian r/AsianHotties r/AsiansGoneWild r/realasians r/juicyasians r/AsianNSFW r/nextdoorasians r/asianporn r/bustyasians r/paag Indian r/IndianBabes r/indiansgonewild r/jerkofftodesicelebs Japanese r/NSFW_Japan r/javdownloadcenter Korean r/kpopfap r/NSFW_Korea Ebony r/WomenOfColor r/darkangels r/blackchickswhitedicks r/ebony r/Afrodisiac Ginger r/ginger r/redheads Latina r/latinas r/latinasgw r/latinacuties White r/palegirls r/pawg r/snowwhites Gifs r/NSFW_GIF r/nsfw_gifs r/porn_gifs r/porninfifteenseconds r/CuteModeSlutMode r/60fpsporn r/NSFW_HTML5 r/the_best_nsfw_gifs Groups r/twingirls r/groupofnudegirls r/Ifyouhadtopickone Hardcore r/nsfwhardcore r/SheLikesItRough r/strugglefucking r/jigglefuck r/freeuse r/whenitgoesin r/outercourse r/gangbang r/breeding r/pegging r/insertions r/passionx Large Penis r/hugedicktinychick r/amateurgirlsbigcocks Positions r/facesitting r/nsfw_plowcam r/pronebone r/facefuck High Quality r/60fpsporn r/highresNSFW r/NSFW_HTML5 Incest r/incestporn r/wincest r/lovingfamily r/gaywincest Individuals r/sarah_xxx r/remylacroix r/Anjelica_Ebbi r/BlancNoir r/rileyreid r/dollywinks r/tessafowler r/lilyivy r/funsizedasian r/mycherrycrush r/gillianbarnes r/kawaiikitten r/emilybloom r/legendarylootz r/sexyflowerwater r/miamalkova r/sashagrey r/keriberry_420 r/justpeachyy r/angelawhite r/miakhalifa r/alexapearl r/missalice_18 r/lanarhoades r/evalovia r/GiannaMichaels r/arianamarie Lesbian r/lesbians r/StraightGirlsPlaying r/girlskissing r/mmgirls r/dykesgonewild r/facesittinglesbians Masturbation/Orgasm r/holdthemoan r/O_faces r/jilling r/gettingherselfoff r/quiver r/GirlsHumpingThings r/forcedorgasms r/mmgirls r/ruinedorgasms r/holdingit Dildos r/suctiondildos r/baddragon Wet women r/grool r/squirting Men r/ladybonersgw r/massivecock r/chickflixxx r/gaybrosgonewild r/sissies r/dattaint r/selffuck r/sounding Furry NSFW r/furryporn r/furryporndump r/yiff r/ZootopiaPorn r/yiffgif r/FurryPornSubreddit r/gfur r/femyiff r/silentyiff r/gayfurryporn r/yiffcomics r/Sharktits r/ArousingAvians r/anthroids r/anthropokeporn r/DragonPenis r/DragonsFuckingDragons r/FeralPokePorn r/FurryFrot r/GayPokePorn r/HorsecocksMasterRace r/PokePornGay r/scalieporn r/WholesomeYiff Outfits r/OnOff r/nsfwoutfits r/girlswithglasses r/collared r/seethru r/sweatermeat r/cfnm r/nsfwfashion r/leotards Bikinis r/bikinis r/bikinibridge Costumes r/nsfwcosplay r/nsfwcostumes r/girlsinschooluniforms Dresses r/WtSSTaDaMiT r/tightdresses r/upskirt Stockings/Socks r/stockings r/thighhighs r/leggingsgonewild Pants/Shorts r/Bottomless_Vixens r/tightshorts Yoga pants r/girlsinyogapants r/yogapants Underwear r/lingerie r/garterbelts Thongs r/assinthong r/AssholeBehindThong Professional/Sites r/suicidegirls Public r/ChangingRooms r/workgonewild r/trashyboners r/FlashingGirls r/publicflashing r/sexinfrontofothers r/NotSafeForNature r/gwpublic r/realpublicnudity r/socialmediasluts r/flashingandflaunting Trans r/Tgirls r/traps r/futanari r/gonewildtrans r/tgifs Gay: r/gaysex r/topsandbottoms r/lgbtsex r/gaykink r/gayBDSMcommunity r/gaygonewild r/gaybrosgonewild r/gaymersgonewild r/gayselfies r/gaybears r/LGBTgonewild r/bigonewild r/gayNSFW r/gayerotica Bondage r/forcedorgasms r/damselsindistress r/cuffed r/gagged r/abuseporn r/femaleorgasmdenial r/girlscontrolled Video r/pornvids r/nsfw_videos Meet People r/dirtysnapchat Other NSFW r/randomactsofblowjob r/NSFWFunny r/pornhubcomments r/confusedboners r/dirtykikpals r/nsfw_wtf r/randomactsofmuffdive r/stupidslutsclub r/sluttyconfessions r/sextrophies Armpits cause people like that r/armpits r/celebrityarmpits r/armpitfetish I don’t even know where the fuck this would go section r/dragonsfuckingcars r/SCPORN r/fedlegs r/cummingonfigurines r/dragonbutts r/dragonpussy r/dragonpenis These have gotten boring 😔 Any help is much appreciated. Thanks.
During a party, a doctor is telling a lawyer that he is sick of his friends asking him for free medical advice. The lawyer says, "just do what I do, and leave a bill in their mailbox." The doctor decides he'll give that a try and thanks his lawyer friend. When the doctor gets home, he has a bill in his mailbox from the lawyer.
But I don't like living in the past.
It’s getting crowded in heaven, so one day Saint Peter decides to only accept people who make him laugh.
A man came walking up to the Pearly Gates, and Saint Peter said to him: “Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died.” The man looked at Saint Peter and said, “Oh man, it was awful! I was absolutely sure my wife was having an affair, so I left work early to come home and try to catch her in the act. When I got home, sure as shit there she was, naked on the bed! I looked all over the apartment, but I couldn’t find the guy anywhere. So I went outside on our 25th story balcony, and there he was!! Hanging over the edge by his fingertips! So I ran inside, and grabbed my hammer and ran back outside and started smashing his hands and fingers with it! He finally let go, and he fell down 25 stories but he landed in some bushes, so I ran inside and using all of my might, I grabbed my refrigerator, picked it up, and threw it over the rail and on top of the guy, crushing and killing him!! But all of the strain and exertion from picking up the refrigerator gave me a heart attack and I died.” Saint Peter let out a faint chuckle, and since it was a crime of passion, he decided to let the poor soul in. Another man came walking up to the pearly gates, and Saint Peter told this man the same thing—that in order to get in, he was going to have to make Saint Peter laugh. So the second started to tell Saint Peter how he died. “Oh man, it was awful! I was doing aerobics out on my 26th story balcony of my apartment, when all of a sudden a flock of birds came out of nowhere and started attacking me! I was trying to get away, but I fell over the edge of my railing! However, on my way down I managed to grab the railing of the apartment below mine…but then this maniac suddenly showed up and started smashing my hands and fingers with a hammer until I let go! Fortunately for me, I landed in some bushes, but then some guy dropped a freaking refrigerator on me! Saint Peter chuckled again, let the second guy into heaven, and was realizing he has found a way he could really start enjoying his job! About that time, a 3rd man comes walking up to the pearly gates, and Saint Peter gave him the speech about needing to make him laugh, and asks him how he died. “Oh man, you’re never going to believe this shit! Alright, so picture this—I’m butt naked and hiding in a refrigerator…”
May he 'erect a penis'.
I countered, “Sorry. May I have a week off around Christmas!?”
"Well", said Tim Cook, "that's because the iPhone replaces a whole bunch of devices. A phone, a camera, a watch, a music player, a video player, a PDA, a voice recorder, a GPS navigator, a flashlight, a calculator, a portable gaming console, and many other things. Surely, a high price is worth paying to replace so many devices!" "Then why are Androids so much cheaper?", asked the journalist. "Because," said Tim Cook, "an Android replaces just one device. The iPhone."
He would boldly go where no man had gone before.