Another one from r/memes
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States. “Father, where is the United States,” Hans asked. His father pointed at a map towards North America. “Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be,” he questioned his father. The man pointed towards the Soviet Union. “And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?” The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British. “Where is Germany again, Father?” He pointed to their home country in Central Europe. Hans pondered this information for a second. “One last question, Father.” “Yes?” “Has Hitler seen this map?”
1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri
My to doo list
Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you’re alive?
I just did and apparently will not be allowed on this airline again.
Why are hamsters like cigarettes?
They're completely harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.
I don’t usually tell dad jokes
But when I do, he laughs
Did you hear about the chameleon who couldn’t change colour?
He had a reptile dysfunction
My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives
I said, I don't hate your relatives, in fact, I like your mother in law a lot more than I like mine
What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Peach gobbler.
You should never date someone with a lazy eye
They might be seeing someone on the side
If you really think about it condoms are just sonblock.
No text found
My wife found out I was cheating after she found the letters I was hiding …
She got mad and said she’s never playing Scrabble with me again!
My teacher said I wouldn’t be good at poetry because of my dyslexia.
So far I have made three jugs and a vase so fuck you, Mr. Johnson!
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.
He said, “You don’t have much of a case.”
How can you tell if the bat that bit you had rabies?
Also why is water so fuckin scary?
Son: What rhymes with orange?
Dad: No, it doesn’t
How do you write a cliffhanger?
No text found
What’s the cheapest meat? Deer balls.
They're under a buck.
There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke.
After a particularly nasty one, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this, so the following day, he walked in and said, “Class, did you hear about the shortage of whores in India?” all the women stood up and headed for the door. “Wait, ladies!” cried the professor. “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Relationships are a lot like algebra….
You look at your X and wonder Y.
Tell the Punchline first.
How do you ruin a joke?
I used to have three children, until an accident happened.
I now have four.
Why has the U.S. Surgeon General suggested to cook smoked turkey this Thanksgiving?
Because smoking is bad for your health and you should stop cold turkey.
Never fight a dinosaur,
You'll just get jurass-kicked.
How do you know a redditor has left a hotel?
Username checks out
An Irishman walks past a bar.
Just kidding.
My friend David had his ID stolen.
Now he's just Dave.
My Dad says I hammer like lightning!
I never strike in the same place twice.
I guess I can’t really be mad about seeing the same jokes made on this sub
With a whole profession built around copy and pasting stack overflow it only makes sense you guys would copy and paste the same jokes over and over again