Another one from the facebook
I had them tested and one came back positive. Google says it’s terminal.
Would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Because they prefer the shingle life!
A man swings his club and fails to hit the ball. Man: God damnit, I missed. A nun shakes her head in disapproval. The man swings again and misses yet again Man: Damnit, I missed again! Nun: Sir, if you keep on swearing like that, you're gonna go to hell. The man then laughs and dismisses the nun's comment. He makes one more attempt at hitting the ball, but to no avail. Man: God fucking damnit! The sky then goes dark, a lightning bolt strikes the nun, and you can hear a thundery voice say, "God damnit, I missed."
Pun in, ten dead.
It’s probably stuck in the mail.
Me: "Ok, this isn't working out."
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?' The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, 'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat. The bouncer is a blonde girl. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler. Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?' The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'Nah I don't think it'll be funny if I'll have to explain it five times'.
He was disqualified.
You know how the Canary islands is a misnomer, since there’s no canaries? It’s the same with the Virgin Islands
There's no canaries there either
I should be upset but it’s a huge weight off my shoulder.
No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theater.
It’s a running joke.
Quacks in the pavement.
You really need a camera
Instead I just swam for the surface.
It makes the trunk of the car look better
That was the most violent book I've ever read.
Him: "There's a spider in your bra."
For meatier showers
"2 or 3" she replied. That probably explains why her marriage failed.
It wasn't my turn to watch him, and to be frank, if you didn't want to lose him you should have used bigger nails.
"Don't worry," said the doctor. "Those are just contractions."
It’s about time!
A quarter pounder.
The bartender said “Hey”, then the horse “you read my mind buddy.”
But now it’s just water under the fridge…
Thought it was a nice jester