Another skyrim garbage found on r/memes
I'm fine – i only suffered super fish oil injuries
Nun of your business
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." (You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced.) "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." (Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirm uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom.) "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." (All the men sighed with unified relief.) The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say. A man slowly stood up and walked just as slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife — the word is sternum."
Because if it were served warm, it would be justwater.
When it becomes apparent.
Because their horns don’t work!
"I don't get porn, why would you watch 2 people have sex?" she asked, then I reply "Two?" she looks surprised and I add "People?"
No text found
I don't know, he ransomware
It was very time consuming, especially when i went back for seconds
where have you been for the last 20 years?
Cockroaches are found to be capable in surviving a nuclear holocaust, but if you swat it with a newspaper it would die instantly
This shows how toxic the media is
I said, "Do you come from a LAN down under?"
Me: "wow … that's a very long name, hungryAndDon'tSayHiHungryI'mDad"
she always gazes at me in Au.
Serves him right.
Her: Whatever floats your boat. Me: No. That’s buoyancy.
Me: Can I play piano? Doctor: Yes you can. Me: Wow! Thanks! I never could before.
But apparently back in the England it's the end of May.
One night, a viking named Rudolf the Red was looking out the window when he said, “it’s going to rain”
His wife asked, "how do you know?“ "Because Rudolf the Red knows rain, dear"
Edit: four children Second edit: 2 children!
They let me pick which medical school I'm going to
Priest: “What have you done my child?” Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.” Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?” Girl: “Because he touched my hand.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he touched my breast.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast) Girl: “Yes father.” Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes) Girl: “Yes father. Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.” Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where) Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!” Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.” Girl: “But father he had AIDS!” Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”
It is very refreshing
She always said she wanted a night in, shining armor…
A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here." He then says: "Are my children — my wonderful children — are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here … why is the light on in the kitchen?"
Because 6, 7 8…
I went to the doctors for the first time in a long while. He told me I had a piece of lettuce hanging out of my ass
I told him it’s just the tip of the iceberg
To get to the other side!
If the Klu Klux Klan leaders are wizards, why don’t they cast a spell to kill all those that oppose them?
Because they don't have access to black magic.