Apparently my snoring is so loud that

Post and Repost are in a boat. Post fell out. Who was left?

Cmon you dont need the confused meme

President Tacky reminds everyone he is just a cheap reality TV show host in the end, not a politician

https://ift.tt/35TQh5N

An American and a Russian died and went to the gates of heaven and hell. They were greeted by an Angel.

The Angel said to them, “Because both of you are sinners, you’re are going to hell. However, you can choose between American hell and Russian hell. In American hell, most people are American and they have to eat a bucket of shit every day. In Russian hell, most people are Russian and they have to eat two buckets of shit every day.” The American responded, “Well, I would rather be encompassed by Americans and just eat one bucket of shit daily.” And he was sent to American hell. The Russian thought for a while before replying, “Well, it sort of sucks that we need to eat two buckets of shit, but I rather surround myself with Russians. I choose Russian hell.” And he was sent to Russian hell. A few years later, they met again. The Russian asked the American how his time in hell was. The American replied, ” It’s not too bad actually. It’s comforting that most people are American there and it feels like home. The only sore spot is that I have to eat a bucket of shit daily. What about you?” The Russian replied, “I feel you. It really feels like right at home, either they forget to deliver the shit or there are not enough buckets for everyone.”

Jesus they squished it too

Loool

I’m also allergic to tomatoes, #BanPizza 👐👐

https://ift.tt/34wOth9

I’ll document it later and other lies I tell myself

https://ift.tt/36UBrMB

On her wedding day, the mother of the bride has a talk with her daughter.

"Sweetheart," says she, "your husband-to-be is a great catch. Handsome, kind, and rich. But he's Greek. And you need to know something about Greek men in the bedroom. There will come a day, maybe soon maybe not, but the time will come when, during intimacy, he'll ask you to "roll over." When that happens, don't say another word to him. Just come straight home to me." The daughter promises that she will do as her mother asks. But she's nervous about it. The wedding goes forward without a hitch, and so does the honeymoon. The couple gets on fabulously together, in the bedroom and out. When they get home, the marital bliss continues, and the young bride discovers that she has quite a sex drive. She initiates sex even more frequently than her husband. And the bride's mother's warning never becomes relevant. On the couple's first anniversary, they have a fantastic, romantic night out. And when they get home, the have sex for a solid three hours straight. After all that, the husband leans over and whispers in his wife's ear "honey, roll over for me." The woman bursts into hysterical tears. She jumps out of bed, and begins to pack her bags. "I'm going home to my mother," she wails. "Honey, what's wrong," her husband begs. "Let me fix it," he says. "My mother warned me about yiu on our wedding day! She told me that one day you would ask me to "roll over." "Of course, darling," the man replies. "But don't you ever want to have a baby???"

My dad sent me this image today. We are russian and the writing says something like “Vladimir Put. Takes money from poor and gives it to reach”, comparing him to Robin Hood

https://ift.tt/2QvQAMR

Why can’t Usain Bolt listen to music while running?

Because he keeps breaking the record.

What did the buck call his wife?

Deer.

I hate people who take drugs

For example, border security.

Level of programming

https://ift.tt/2wMEEAH

What do you call a man made of dirt?

Claude.

not sure if they’re serious or just sarcastic

https://ift.tt/2FHJFeC

How do you top a car?

Tep on the brake, tupid!

Spicicles

Here is joke about Canada don’t take it seriously

Credits to u/commonschemeforyou God was creating all the countries and it was Canada's turn He turned to his angels and said "this country will have unmatched beauty, plenty of natural resources, and its citizens will be the happiest and friendliest in the world" The angels ask God, "aren't you blessing this country a little TOO much?" and God replies, "wait till you see who their neighbour is"