What do baby parabolas drink?
Quadratic Formula! Maybe this is more of a mom joke… Edit: this isnβt my joke. I thought this sub might enjoy it though
an element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, especially imitation.
an element of a culture or system of behavior that may be considered to be passed from one individual to another by nongenetic means, especially imitation.
Why is suicide illegal in china?
Destruction of state property
A senior West Wing staffer told Trump that…
…he had a dream, and in that dream Trump got his huge military parade after all, complete with hundreds of thousands of cheering, flag-waving people lining the streets. "Was I smiling?" Trump asked. "I don't know," the aide replied. "It was a closed casket."
Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM.
Confused, I asked him what he was doing… He said: βJust checking my balance.β
The skydiving instructor asked if there were any questions.
So…Is it a freefall? I asked him. He said, It is, indeed. I said, Good, because I haven't got any money.
Wife: βI look fat. Can you give me a compliment?β
Husband: βYou have perfect eyesight.β
“Forget everything you learned in college. You won’t need it working here.”
"But I never went to college." "Well then, I'm sorry. You are underqualified to work here."
The guy who stole my diary just died.
My thoughts are with his family.
Why did Karen press Ctrl+Alt+Delete?
She wanted to see the task manager.
My aunts sign was cancer so her death was ironic….
Eaten alive by a giant ass crab
A drunk German is urinating on a bush
An American walks by, sees what the German is doing and says, "Gross!" The German says, "Danke!"
Why do younever buy a pair of shoes from a drug dealer?
Because you don't know what he laces them with and you'll be tripping all day.
A limbo champion walked into a bar.
He was disqualified.
The urge to sing “the lion sleeps tonight” may come any time
It's just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away, a whim away
What does Alexander the Great have in common with Winnie the Pooh?
Same middle name.
Dracula told me to bow in his presence, you could say I was…
Down for the count
what is the sound of an ambulance in an anime?
weebo weebo
What does sex and bungee jumping have in common?
The thrill only lasts about 30 seconds,and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.
What did the elevator say to the stairs?
I don't know. I'll escalator.
I just created a new word,
Plagiarism.
My son tried to change the time..
But not on my watch
What do you call a female rapper?
38.5 Cent
I hate having body confidence issues…
I've had it up to ear with him.
I suspected my girlfriend was a ghost right from the beginning
Starting with the moment she walked through those doors.
I called work this morning and whispered, “Sorry boss, I can’t come in today. I have a wee cough.” He exclaimed, “You have a wee cough!?”
I said, "Really?! Thanks boss, see you next week!"
How much time do you have to fix your parachute?
The rest of your life.
Did you hear about the canine comedian?
His jokes are ruff
She couldnβt stay away from her granddaughter anymore. This was her solution.
https://ift.tt/2XXVpnO
My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him
Went out, had a few drinks. Nice guy. He's a web designer.
I wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn’t have one.
So I got a cake -Mitch Hedberg
If it helps others or those less fortunate, then he will always ignore the problem
https://ift.tt/39jutk7
My door to door fruit delivery business failed terribly because of my horrible interpersonal skills.
I was driving people bananas.