Art ruined by … shit.
…we'd never hear the end of it.
…most crows drank at home.
It's full of cymballism.
A Popesicle! Get it? Because it's holy. My kids didn't get it either…
It means a great deal.
I told her that makes two of us…
He was obviously milking it
So, I took it to Best Buy to get it fixed, and the woman at the counter said they can't fix hammers.
That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
It was just collecting dust
But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump
But I never met herbivore.
Well, that's easy. Mountains can't jump.
An elementary teacher asks her students what they did during recess. Teacher: Johnny what did you do doing recess? Johnny: I played in the sandbox. Teacher: Okay, if you can write the word "sand" on the board, you get a cookie. Johnny writes "sand" and gets his cookie. Teacher: Alright Suzie, what did you do? Suzie: I played in the sandbox with Johnny. Teacher: Okay, if you can write the word "box" on the board, you get a cookie. Suzie writes "box" and gets her cookie. Teacher: Jamal, what did you do? Jamal: Well, I tried to play with Johnny and Suzie, but they kicked sand in my face. Teacher: Oh no, that sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can write "blatant racial discrimination" on the board, you get a cookie.
Because you don't know what he laces them with and you'll be tripping all day.
Apparently, \”marriage is terrible\” never gets old.
*break bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *open jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there
I went to my girlfriend’s house expecting to see her. It was my girlfriend’s sister ( very beautiful) who opened the door in a slutty dress. She asked me to enter the house and said no one is coming home for another 5 hours, she then placed her hands on my shoulders and came close to me. I stopped her and left the house. I got into my car and immediately someone knocked on the door, I looked around to see my girlfriend. And her dad, mom and sister were standing outside. I got out of my car and my girlfriend hugged me tight and said it was a test and you passed. Her parents and sister also hugged me for being a good boyfriend. Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in the car
No text found
7-up in cider
I watched it all unfold.
In a croc pot.
The former is a latter and the latter is a former.
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
Look for Fresh Prints.
Wow this is ledge ‘n dairy
Ones a Goodyear. The other is a great year.
I suppose I should have asked why
Just to get high
Father: Before or after sex? Son: I don't know what that means? Father: Well there are two different types Son: Umm, before sex. Father: Oh well it looks like an Orchid at dawn just as the sun hits it, with dew drops on it, in a Botanical garden in Spring. Son: Oh woah. What does it look like after sex? Father: It looks like a bulldog just ate a jar of mayonnaise.
They aren’t going to make them any longer.
Because he had a lot of trans sisters