No one told me life was gonna be this way.
Friend: why did you call him that, he’s not even a white horse? Mayo: [neighs]
A hoppo My 4 year old cousin thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world
7 up in cider.
…. when I thought "not only does my son have a really stupid name, he´s also a terrible driver"
I thought to myself "Now, that's a little condescending".
A cantaloupe! *yesterday at work, my stupid brain called a caribou a cantaloupe because i couldn't remember the name and was thinking of an antelope too. If this isn't original, I'm sorry. But my brain farts come up with interesting answers!
and I have Palm Sunday.
Guess that's what I get for buying a pure bread dog
…he went downhill very quickly after that.
Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world! Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there! Boy: What problem?! Dad: She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother! Boy: Why not?! You married mine!
It only made it more sluggish.
An Amish boy and his father are visiting a nearby mall. They are amazed by almost everything they see, but especially by two shiny silver walls that move apart and back together again by themselves.
The lad asks, “What is this, father?” The father, having never seen an elevator, responds, “I have no idea what it is.” While the boy and his father are watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolls up to the moving walls and presses a button. The walls open and the lady rolls between them into a small room. The walls close and the boy and his father watch as small circles light up above the walls. The walls open up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman steps out. The father looks at his son excitedly and says, “Go get your mother.”
Wife said 'What are you doing?" I said I've seen this online it's called buffering
Until I got kicked out of the library
Who's there? Mary. Mary who? Mary Christmas! Knock knock. Who's there? Anna. Anna who? Anna happy new year! Merry Christmas and a happy new year, Reddit 🙂
Nurse: which doctor? Me: No, just the regular one
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills. The cop asks the woman, “Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?” She replies, “Well, there’s a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers.” The cop asks, “So what did you do about it?” The old lady says, “I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!” “That seems fair enough,” the cop says, “so what’s in the other sack?” The old lady replies with, “Not everyone pays…”
Always Coming From Take Me Down
I’ve had a Canon printer for years.