As I regained consciousness from last nights car crash.
The Doctors were trying to convince me, I'm actually a Swedish bloke who had forgotten his identity…
But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday!
The wall has never been anything but supportive.
so that I could fit the rest of the socks in the drawer
Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.
A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go." The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that." The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"
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But it turned out to just be a pyramid scheme…
Really hope that it isn’t Christopher Robin my house
I hate working at the McDonald's factory…
A boss said to his secretary "I want to have sex with you. I will make it very fast. I'll throw $1000 on the floor; by the time you pick it up, I'll be done." She thought for a moment, then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend then said "Ask him for $2000, and pick up the money very fast; he won't even have enough time to undress himself." So she agrees. Half an hour goes by, and the boyfriend decides to call his girlfriend. He asks, "What happened?" She responds, "I'm still picking and he's still fucking! The bastard used COINS!"
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!" Everyone laughed… Well, everyone except this one guy.
Because all the fans left.
Because they're all Targets.
I responded "Well, dam"
me: Herbert pregnant wife: but what if it’s a b- me: Himbert
Just in case there's a salad dressing
stand in the corner, because its 90 degrees there
Dad: Wonderful; do you have a girl in mind?! Boy: Yes… grandma! She said she loves me, I love her, too….and she’s the best cook & story teller in the whole world! Dad: That’s nice, but we have a small problem there! Boy: What problem?! Dad: She happens to be my mother. How can you marry my mother! Boy: Why not?! You married mine!
Show him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
But, it’s snot
Water, to cool him down.
A private tutor
My neighbor is a 90 year old with alzheimer’s, I see him every morning and he asks me If I’ve seen his wife. Everyday I have to tell this poor man that his wife died 20 years ago. I could have moved to another house or even ignore his question
But the look of joy in his eyes whenever I answer him is worth the world.
That's where I draw the line.
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
They say he had loco motives.