You'll have to Walkman.
A lip reader
I asked him what on earth he was doing in there. All he said was, "I cum in peas."
I’m not shaking hands because everyone is out of toilet paper and hand sanitizer.
It has its prose and cons.
The bartender asked "why the big pause" The bear replies "I was born with them"
It’s the roughest bar at the end of the roughest street in town. It’s full of the scariest, meanest bikers you ever saw. Swaying slightly, he scans the room and stops when he finds the biggest, toughest-looking guy in the place. He stumbles over to the guy’s table, points at him and says in a loud voice: “I FUCKED YER GRAMA, YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Place goes dead quiet. The big guy doesn’t move, but he also doesn’t take his eyes off the old man. “You hear me, asshole?! I FUCKED her every which way for HOURS, and you know what? She LOVED it!!She BEGGED for more! What do ya think of THAT?!” The biker says nothing. This just makes the old man angrier. “What’s the matter with ya, ya pussy? Ain’t you got nothing to say?!” Slowly, the massive biker rises to his feet . . . . . . and says . . . “Let’s get you home, Grampa. You’re drunk.”
Because he never had to run for his office
You wont believe what happened next!
I mean, he killed the leader of the Nazi party for god sakes.
Every day a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.
After a week of this she can’t stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a Supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled, and asks: “What’s threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies: “It’s Frank, the midget.”
Best trade i ever made.
None, they'll just compliment it and get pissed when it won't screw.
But, Plan e just might take off
You're still using fowl language.
To all of you who have been disowned by fathers. In honor of pride month and on behalf of all dads of R/dadjokes I just wanna say, buffalo.
Because you can always be our bi-son, and even if you don't feel like shooting straight, we will always be trans-parent with you. You are loved.
Apparently the polite term is conjoined twins
Let’s start the new year off on the right foot.
Oral sex in the morning? I call that a Head Start.
Maths, and he couldn’t remember the other one.
Because how can you have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?
He is really hardcore about his mashed potatoes.
Who needs lightbulbs when you have eight candles?
My boss asked “what companies? “ Gas, water and electricity.
“Shit I can’t go home like this my wife will kill me” The bartender sees this and says “put a $20 bill in you pocket and when she sees the puke tell her some drunk puked on you and gave you $20 for dry cleaning”. So the guy goes home and his wife sees the puke on his shirt and asks what happened, to which he replies “a drunk guy puked on me and he gave me $20 to pay for dry cleaning”. To which his wife says “Ok well then why do you have $40 in your hand?” “Because he also shit in my pants.”
I don’t remember the rest.