One says to the other, "you know how to drive this thing?"
He’s officially hit Rock bottom.
This post was made by science gang 😎
One day, someone asked Fred where to find the medical building. Fred replied, "Its over there and to the left. I do brain research in there." Fred is an expert on the hippocampus.
thanks for nothing.
Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
I’m surprised that 'Call 911' didn’t make the cut.
Me: sipping toast Why?
Neil before me.
Policeman: I don't care what you "feel", buster, 30 is the speed limit!
Give a man a poisoned fish, and you’ll feed him for a lifetime!
The wife shakes the husband and says "honey, there's someone at the door." The husband, irritated gets up and opens the door to an obviously drunk man. "Can I help you? "Could you give me a push?" asks the drunk man. "Hell no, and besides you are drunk" and slams the door shut. As he gets back into bed, his wife begins to lecture him. "Don't you remember when we were stranded on the side of the road and people stopped to help us?" "You should go outside and help the poor man." Realizing this, the husband gets dressed and heads to the door. Opening it, he realizes the man has left and yells out, "Do you still need a push?" In the distance he hears a reply, "Yes Please." "Where are you?" to which he hears, "Over here on the swing set."
There was just too much history between us.
Kim Jong Un decided to send Donald Trump a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still alive.
Trump opened the letter which appeared to contain a single-line coded message: 370HSSV – 0773H Trump was baffled, so he emailed it to the his aides, who had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI No one could solve it at FBI, so it went to the CIA. With no clue as to its meaning, FBI finally asked MSS (Ministry of State Security in China for help. Within a few seconds MSS cabled back with this reply: "Tell The President he's holding the message upside down."
They both are in the middle of water
“I want to be President one day.” Trump says, “Are you stupid? Are you an idiot? Out of your mind? Are you retarded?” The kid replies, “You know what, I’ve changed my mind. Those are too many requirements.”
He was being mean
He saw a sign at the front of a building that said "chicken strips for $2"
Because it gets smaller after every mistake I make
Too many Maine characters.
But it's hard to say…
I said, "No, I'll have to go to the kitchen."
I can’t believe that even after all these years after the show ended, people are still making “Friends” references…
No one told me life was gonna be this way…
That was my wholemeal…
But none of them work.
Son: I hope you enjoy it. Dad: From now on,…… I’ll start living in the present.
Over Andover again
He said I should try when it's icy on the roads.
Seriously! Who starts a conversation like that?
I never get a straight answer
No text found
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, “What’ll ya have?”
The rabbit says, “I dunno. I’m only here because of Autocorrect.”
It’s the weight and c approach I guess
The psychiatrist says "Well I can clearly see your nuts"
I remember when porn genres were tame, none of that freak nasty stuff like furries, ugly bastards, vore, and other weird fetishes.
Seriously, what is the world cumming to?
He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said "You know, one would have been enough."
Doesn’t matter, as long as it’s hearty.