At a TexMex restaurant, I told the waiter to put my small bowl of spicy tomato sauce and beans back on the stove…

It's been fun watching Dinkl age.

He then proceeds to pull out hundreds of pink valentine's day cards, write inside them and stamp them with "Love" stamps. He then pulls out a bottle of expensive perfume and spritzes each envelope. The bartender finally can't contain his curiosity and approaches the man. "You must have 500 or more cards there," the bartender says. "I've got to admit I'm curious what you're doing." "Oh, every year at Valentine's Day I send out 500 cards, each one signed 'Guess Who?'" the guy says. "But why?" the bartender asks. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the guy replies.

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Little Johnny and his parents decided to spent the day at the beach. He goes off to play in the sand only to return a few moments later. "Mom why are some women's breasts bigger than others?" To which his mom replied. "The women with bigger breasts are more silly" satisfied with this answer he goes off to play for a while longer. Later the boy asks why some men's penises are bigger than others, his mom tells him "Men with bigger penises are dumber" once again content Johnny goes off to play again. A while later he returns with a grin on his face and tells his mom, "Hey Mom Dad is talking to the silliest girl here and he just keeps getting dumber and dumber"

You can sleep with a light on

They stand before St. Peters at the pearly gates. St Peter asks the first nun: Have you ever touched a penis? The fist nun admit it: Yes, once, but only with the tip of my finger! St Peter then tell the nun: Ok, put your finger in that holy water, then I'll let you pass. He then asks the second: Have you ever touched a penis? The second one also adit: Yes, I masturbated a man once. St Peter seemed slightly disgusted, but then tells her to put her entire hand in the holy water before he allows her to pass. Sudenlly, the 4th nun goes crazy and yell: Please! Ask me that question before the nun in front of me!!!!! St Peter, confused, asks why. The 4th Nun replies: I really want to wash my mouth before she puts her ass in the holy water.

Starbucks

They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.

I’m galactose intolerant

“You can hardly blame me,” I answered. “It’s not like I was getting any from you.” “Well, that’s your own fault,” she replied. “You never told me you were willing to pay for it.”

He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

Most Americans don't get it.

A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ years old man walking past. She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?" The old man said, "but I won't be able to…" Prostitute: "c'mon man…. give it a try… " Old man says okay. They go in. The old man whips out his 8 incher and fucks the daylights out of her for 30 minutes. When he's done, the prostitute all exhausted and tired says, "but you said you won't be able to…." "…pay you" replied the old man.

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.” “Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says. A little later in the day, the doctor calls Larry’s wife. “Bonnie,” he says, “Larry is doing fine! But I had to call you because I’m in awe of his relationship with God. Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof, the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he’s done, poof, the light goes off?” “Oh sweet Jesus”, exclaims Bonnie. “He’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

Unfortunately it was at Taco Bell.

During World War II, four paratroopers each from England, Scotland, France and the US, were on a plane about to jump when they realized there was only one serviceable parachute. The French paratrooper downed a glass of cognac, said "Pour la France!" and jumped without the parachute. The American downed a glass of bourbon, said "For freedom!" and jumped without the parachute. The Scotsman downed a glass of whiskey, said "For Scotland!" and threw the Englishman.

Because he was resisting a rest.

Because they have their own scales.

You shouldn’t take medicine on an empty stomach.

/r/Jokes/comments/bj9t8d/a_woman_is_sitting_at_her_deceased_husbands/

The kids weren't much to look at!

He replied, "Well, yeah. 'Spigoted."

One of the old ladies had a stroke. The other two couldn't reach.

He walked all the way to the airport and got home. Some times rolls by and he decides to go back to Vegas again and this time he wins BIG. He gets his bags and is ready for the airport with all his new winnings. There are a line of cabs and at the very end he sees the driver from last time that kicked him out. He stood for a moment thinking how can he get his revenge on that driver. So, he gets in the first cab. "How much is it to the airport?" he asks. The driver says, "$15." "Great, how much is it for a blowjob on the way there?" The cab driver says, "Get the fuck out of my cab." So he goes to the next one and asks the same thing. "How much to airport?" "$15." "Great, how much for a blowjob on the way there?" And that cab driver also tells him to get the fuck out of his cab. He does this all the way down the line of drivers, each one kicking him out. He finally gets to the last driver, the one from his last trip. He asks, "Hey how much to the airport?" Driver responds, "$15." The guy hands him $15 and says, "Great let's go!" And so the driver leaves, slowly passing all the other drivers who are staring out their window while the guy in the back smiles back with a thumbs up.

The student replies, “No sir, my dad has a stutter, but the guy who registered my name was an asshole.”

I’m a CASHEW!

Because, he’s never going to give you Up! Told by Siri on my HomePod

I find them quite re-markable.

Prism

It’s a small world.

Unfortunatley, I didn't impress anyone at the cremation…

A Gobblegänger.

Usually it is due to lack of money