At least you ain’t dyin alone
Yesterday, he brought his dog along.
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Very strong, and given proper credit for their contributions in both the home and the workplace.
There once was a famous French fencer. He learned how to fence at a young age and honed his skills over time, his prowess with the foil unmatched in all of France. After defeating all French contenders, he moved on to defeat fencers in nearby countries, eventually becoming the best in Europe. As his ego grew, so did his desire to put on a show. He staged fencing events in different environments; from sword fights in the Himalayas to duels in shark tanks, he won match after match. One day, he decided to host a fencing match in a submarine, which would be broadcasted to millions of viewers. When the day arrived, he was confident in his ability, but his opponent was relentless. Rather than being a pushover like the previous contenders, the match consisted of back-and-forth thrusts and lunges, with both participants straining to concentrate under the din of clashing metal. Eventually, both participants reached a tie of 14 points, meaning whoever received the next point would be the winner. The French fencer went for a feint, but his opponent was not fooled. It was quickly parried and his opponent sent a blinding return thrust into his sensor, earning the last point. The French fencer was devastated. After so many years of training and so many years of being undefeated, his reign was over. He turned to confide in the captain of the ship. What could’ve been the reason? Was it the pressure from so many viewers? Or was the water pressure from being deep-sea throwing off his game? The captain looked at him and replied, “don’t stress about it son. Ripostes are pretty common in this sub.”
at the ol factory
Look for fresh prints.
By the pound!
That it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
Gloves. Jk, he hasn’t opened it yet.
But those letters aren’t silent. They’re just waiting their turn.
A lovely man. A terrible cabinet maker.
but no one will do it
I can't wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Me: It seems like….you have a hidden agenda.
People were lined up for blocks
You would go to prison and they would make a documentary about you. You sick fuck
It was a vial substance.
He sold his soul to Santa.
“I guess you drank the t”
Something bad is gonna happen, I can feel it
Husband: Hi Pregnant, I’m Dad Wife: No you’re not.
He said, “Its pretty lit.”
… unless they're flashing behind you.
A kid answered, called me a cunt then hung up.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Spell. Spell who? Okay, W-H-O.
The Canadian bartender says, "what's that about?" Man says, "yes."
It 100% totally work's now i don't give a fuck about that bitch.
They also do take away.
It was an iDivorce
I mean, he killed the leader of the Nazi party for god sakes.
He was in De Nile
My teacher always starts her class by reading one of the posts from r/jokes, but today she’s absent.
So instead, a subreddit.
“Just twelve waters please!” Winks at disciples
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