At ten feet I told the the joke and everyone laughed. At twenty feet, same result. At fifty feet no one heard me…
Guess I went a little too far with that joke.
This is why removing a bug makes more bugs to come.
Hahaha, women never want sex
Take that, wife!
haha wwiii guys
At the White House today…
Posted quite unironically to a local motorcycle group I belong to
Alexa bad, absurdly long times good
Found it funny 😂 Python 😂 😂
It was ME, the SEMICOLON! ゴゴゴゴ
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days
It will be a sadder day
When a crook takes more pictures with another crook than his family
A teacher asks her class to name a word beginning with A
Little Jonny raises his hand and the teacher thinks "I'm not asking Jonny, he will say something like asshole". She asks Suzanna who says "Apple". The She asks for a word beginning with B. Again Jonny raises his hand and the teacher thinks "I'm not asking Jonny, he will say bastard", so she asks Stephen, who replies "Balloon"..This goes on until they get to the letter G. Again Jonny raises his hand and the teacher thinks "Hmm, I cant think of any swear word beginning with G", so she asks Jonny. "Gnome" says Jonny. Very surprised, the teachers says "That's excellent Jonny, and do you know what a gnome is?" "Yeah" replies Jonny, "It's a little cunt at bottom of my garden that fucks fairies"
Virgin Holocene vs Chad Pleistocene
Romney is a Socialist Commie
And if you want ppe you gotta kiss a little lower
Made with mematic
Do you know why I don’t do threesomes?
Because if i wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd visit my parents.
math bad Jesus good
Please, don’t do this to your kids
You’ve been programmed to upvote if you ffhfff out your nose
Mitch McTreason continuing GOP legacy
I pinned a Rolex to the post just outside my house
It's the neighborhood watch.
During a parole hearing.
Officer: Tell me, why should you be released early? Prisoner: It's bec… Officer: Yes? Prisoner: I think i have… Officer: Go on. Prisoner: Can i please finish my sentence! Officer: Sure, Parole denied.
Anyone got this problem?
Unwritten rules of Life…..
1. 2. 3.
Someone Messaged Me On Discord Today
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom"
Sit down, Karen.
Its funny cause its true….
It do be like that
poet or dev?
You got to be shitting me….
No, that’s socialism!
Spring Break 2020
This is so true..
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
I was applying for Australian citizenship.
The interviewer asked "Do you have a criminal record?" "No. Is that still required?"
Big bada boom
Such a data-basic joke
I feel bad for laughing but c’mon…
I own only two types of clothes— I wear my gym clothes when I exercise.
For formal occasions, I wear my James clothes.
new hands free
I’m proud of this comment
A guide on how to fall down the stairs:
Step 1, Step 2, Step 3, Step 6, Step 12
I have a pen that can write underwater!!
It can write other words too.
Saw a video of what immune cells do to Covid-19 cells. Start spraying
-I’m a lawyer specialized in divorces! -Telephone number?
Maybe the phrase shooting fish in a barrel comes from Americans…
Because fish swim in schools.
sudo apt-get install openeyes
Capitalism in a pandemic
Low Quality Cell Cycle Meme
My mum emailed this to me today under the subject “lols”
A child asks his father what “gay” means
The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
Why does Frankenstein’s monster have such a good sense of humor?
Because he's always in stitches!
What would white Jesus do?
The Struggle Is Real …
Shots Fired By Google
A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.
One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!" The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child."
Study tip: Don’t drink water while studying
Because water decreases concentration.
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia!
Me: Wait, I can explain everything!