is a non-prophet organization.
The rotation of the earth
I'm worried he may be in a colt
Sadly, we men will never know the joys of childbirth.
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Because she was thicc
When it's apparent
… and these four huge bastards started mouthing off at us. My mate said "pretend we're the police, that'll get them to leave us alone". I only got halfway through the first verse of "Roxanne" before they kicked the shit out of us.
I told him that we would prefer if the baby kept its liver.
British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words. American English: no u
…but I prefer it in a bowl.
In the midst of the Cold War, the CIA sends its best spy into Russia. He has spent the last 10 years learning how to blend in with the locals. He speaks perfect Russian, he can dance the kalinka better than anyone, and he can drink an entire bottle of vodka without batting an eyelash. As soon as he's ready, a helicopter flies him by night to a remote Russian province and sets him down near a village. The spy knocks on the first door in the village, posing as a poor lost traveler. An old babushka answers the door. "Please madam," says our spy in perfect Russian, "I was lost in the forest, and I need somewhere to stay." "Well you can't stay here," says Babushka. "You are an American spy." Shocked that she guessed his secret, the spy nevertheless kept his cool. "You are mistaken, madam," he says. "I am from Russia. Otherwise, I would not know how to do this." And he dances his perfect kalinka. "You dance well," says Babushka. "But you are still an American spy." Getting nervous, the spy tries again. "You are mistaken, madam," he says. "I can prove it for certain." He pulls a bottle of vodka from his rucksack and chugs the whole thing. "You hold your vodka," says Babushka. "But you are still an American spy." "Alright," sighs the spy. "I give up. But I speak perfect Russian, danced the kalinka, and drank a whole bottle of vodka – how did you know I'm an American spy?" "You are black."
…don't knock it 'til you've tried it.
“Are you still holding the ladder!?”
None. They will never allow change, even if it makes the world a brighter place.
We got pulled over and the cop wanted to know if my dad knew why. “With all due respect sir,” my dad replied…
"If you forgot, I'm not going to remind you."
It's the best place to exchange stolen content for gold.
his funfair is next monkey
Is it The same shit different day?
He learned next to nothing.
She just bought me a $500,000 life insurance policy and a free all-inclusive trip to the Dominican Republic!
Because he didn’t planet well.
"Is she an alcoholic?" "No I am, but she is the one who suffers"
he'll be born in may.
…emails will be flagged as "Mark has read"
I said, "In a gym."
Now it's all over the bottom of the oven…
Then I thought to myself no, it doesn't.
I scare everyone in the car I'm driving
Because they’re a pane to replace.
A soldier ran up to a nun, Out of breath he asked: "Please, may I hide under your skirt. I'll explain later." The nun agreed. A moment later two Military Police officer ran up and asked: "Sister, have you seen a soldier?" The nun replied: "He went that way." After the Military Police officers ran off, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said: "I can't thank you enough Sister. You see, I don't want to go to war to Iraq." The nun said: "I understand completely." The soldier added: "I hope I'm not rude, but you have a great pair of legs!" The nun replied: "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of balls… I don't want to go to Iraq either!
Now it’s aware wolf
Dad: Sure! But can you pass me my dadglasses first?
By shear coincidence
… just buy some stocks. Then you'll have a bit of company.