Atleast, I know how to code
Because they have lots of animes.
Give it a weigh, give it a weigh, give it a weigh now!
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but my roommate took it and rolled it into a joint. Now he’s high on my list of people I never want to see again.
They're… hill areas.
1 or 2? 2 or 3?
She didn’t know I existed…
After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit.
I just handed in my too weak notice.
Kristen: Sure! Christen: thank you Kris: Anytime
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But when I do, he laughs
So I called up Dewalt and they said: “not to worry! It’s just a fire drill.” REDDIT! IM GOING TO BE A DAD!!! 😀
I love foreign axe scents.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
Shortcake (Sorry, I needed a cake related joke for my first year on reddit)
The boy sees a worm trying to crawl into an anthill. "I bet fifty bucks that I can get that worm into that anthill!" says the boy. "Your on," says the grandfather. "That worm is too wiggly." The boy runs into the house, comes back with a can of hairspray, and sprays it on the worm until the worm is as straight and stiff as a board. The old man pays his grandson fifty dollars. At dinner time, the man gives the boy another fifty dollars. "I though you already gave me my fifty bucks!" says the boy. "I did," says the grandfather. "This is from your granny."
They are just USB sticks And when you exhale, you get cloud storage.
Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in…
It’s currently half empty…
He truly has a one track mind.
I know it's hard to believe, but I saw it with my own two eyes.
They were talking about the bravery of their sailors. The Russian said, “I will demonstrate the bravery of our sailors.” He calls a sailor over and says, “Jump off the ship. Swim under it and climb back up”. The sailor promptly salutes and jumps off the flight deck, swims under the ship, climbs up the davits and stands in front of the admiral and salutes. The Russian says, “That gentlemen, is courage" The American says that's nothing. He calls over a PO and says, "I want you to jump off the bows. Swim under the ship to the stern and then return". The PO salutes jumps off the bow, swims to the stern and climbs back up to stand in front of the admiral and salutes. The American says, “That gentlemen, is courage" The British admiral says, “That's nothing. Sailor, come here!". The matelot comes to attention and salutes. The admiral says, “I want you to climb the highest mast on the carrier, jump off, swim under the boat from bow to stern and then from beam to beam then climb up the mast and do it again" The matelot looks at the admiral and says, “You can fuck right off". The admiral turns to the other two and says, “And that gentlemen, is courage"
The father answered, "Only when they call each other liars."