ATP SpongeBob meme. Made for r/asdfmemes
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused…
I guess it was the delivery!
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
“Hello I’d like to register for mime classes”
"Ah, say no more"
How do you spot a blind man at a nudist beach?
it's not hard…
When I was in college, I used to live on a houseboat and started dating the girl next door.
Eventually we drifted apart.
I broke up with my college girlfriend because she was obsessed with finding the largest known prime number.
I wonder what she is up to now.
I keep asking what does LGBT mean
I can’t even get a straight answer
What does a house wear to a party?
Address.
[nsfw] some parents find their teenager’s browser history
It’s full of s&m porn. Mom says: well what are we going to do? Dad says: what do you mean? Mom says: well.. we can’t spank him.
Why was Yoda afraid of 7?
Because 6, 7 8…
The girl with the big booty and a lisp wasn’t at work
She must have called in thick
My son told me he was cold
I said go stand in the corner it's 90 degrees
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef jerky
Wanna hear a HIPAA joke?
Sorry, I can't tell you.
What do you call a kinky dinosaur?
A Doyouhaveasoreass
Why did EA cross the road?
Buy the DLC to find out
Teacher : “Alright who can name a flammable material?”
Jewish Kid : “ME! ME! ME!” Teacher : “Okay what else?”
A shoplifter stole an entire case of red bull from my store
I don’t know how he sleeps at night
![Change [OC]](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/05/qheno87cw8w21-400x600.jpg)
What do “PETA” and “Make a Wish Foundation” have in common?
A 10% survival rate I’m so sorry
If you are addicted to masturbation, talk to a priest.
He'll be happy to help you beat it.
My wife just told me, “I can’t find my datebook. I’ve looked for it everywhere. Have you seen it?”
Me: It seems like….you have a hidden agenda.
I’m opening a new gay club called “Garage Sale”
Because one man's junk is another man's treasure!
I like my women like I like my coffee
Very strong, and given proper credit for their contributions in both the home and the workplace.
Did you hear about the boy that went missing in the hospital?
Turns out he was just playing peek-a-boo ICU
What do you call hiking US college students?
The walking debt.
I went to the liquor store yesterday on my bike
I bought a bottle of whiskey and put it in the bicycle basket. As I was about to leave, I thought to myself that if I fell off the bicycle, the bottle would break, so I drank all the whiskey before I cycled home. It turned out to be a good decision because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home. Imagine what would've happened to the bottle.
NSFW I once got my ex’s name tattooed on my penis…
Her name was Wendy and i had it done when I was hard and now you can only see W and Y when soft. One day I was on holiday in Jamaica, using the restroom I noticed a Jamaican man with the same WY tattoo. I asked if he had Wendy tattooed on his penis aswell. He replied: "nah bro it says, Welcome to Jamaica and have a nice day"
It’s pointless to get into an argument about the Adam and Eve creation story versus evolution.
It is comparing apples to origins.
New Hampshire Primary Voters: Show us proof you voted yesterday, and we’ll give you a cool flair! :)
Continuation of this thread, which focuses on the Iowa Caucuses.We are planning on expanding the flair program to primary voters in all 50 states. If you have any ideas for perks or extras we can throw in, please let us know via modmail. Right now, only New Hampshire voters can submit flair requests.Iowa caucus goers are also encouraged to use the same form to submit their late request. Later states will be given the chance to submit their requests once their primaries or caucuses have occurred.NEW HAMPSHIRE VOTERS: CLICK HERE TO GET YOUR FLAIR IF YOU VOTED!Simply provide evidence of your participation (any ‘I Voted’ sticker or other supplemental documents are allowed), and we’ll add a user flair similar to my account to your account.Special Discord Channel AccessVerified voters will also get special access to our exclusive Voter Only Discord channel. To gain access to this, include your Discord account ID in your above submission, and we’ll add you to this channel.Have a good day!
![[Not my meme] But do you know the answer?](https://jokejet.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/12/hhoyujk4rz541-400x336.jpg)
I ordered a chicken and an egg on Amazon today.
I'll let you know…
If I had a dollar for every racist thing I’ve said
some minority would probably mug me for it.
So I entered my snail in to a race, but I took his shell off to make him faster.
It ended up making him sluggish.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey
But I turned myself around
OK.
What genius decided to call it Erectile Dysfunction and not Ballzheimer's?
