Authorities have been trying to figure out how the Worcestershire sauce truck spilled…
But it's hard to say…
Man Iran makes mistakes all the time
How many great discoveries you have thought of sitting on the debugging chair
Thank you student loans for getting me through college.
I don't think I'll ever be able to repay you
People say that being a hostage is hard, but I don’t agree.
I can do that with my hands tied behind my back.
I’ve been fired from work for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
Social media bad (never seen that before)
I have a lot of jokes about the unemployed people
But none of them work!!
I named my dog “Wifi”…
Because I stole it from my neighbor…
Don’t forget the last four years come November.
My furniture and I are really close
My recliner and I go way back.
The first time I ever used an elevator was a real uplifting experience.
The second time was a big let down!!!
Does anyone want to be in a platonic relationship?
I’m asking for a friend.
This academic life is amazing 😅
Fear me mortals
How I learnt to code
I always confuse claustrophobia and homophobia
Remind me, which is the one about being in the closet?
Sorry for your loss
Figured out I was adopted the other day. Decided to confront my dad about it.
I told him "Dad, I found the paperwork. I know" Dad said "What paperwork? What did you find?" "I'm adopted" He replied "Hi adopted! I'm- oh, wait. Nevermind."
We didn’t “flatten the curve” so much as we “suppressed the stupid”.
Takes an artist to make proper UML tbh
A man’s walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows.
A man's walking home late at night when he sees a woman in the shadows. "Twenty bucks," she says. He's never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the hell. They're going at it for a minute when all of a sudden a light flashes on them… it's a police officer. "What's going on here, people?" asks the officer. "I'm making love to my wife," the man answers indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the cop, "I didn't know." "Well," said the man, "neither did I until you shined that light in her face."
Haha women are defined by their weight
AI is the future, folks.
To be frank…
i'd have to change my name
What did it cost? Everything.
Guy at the door: Sir, would you like to make a donation to the local orphanage?
Dad: No problem. (To me) Hey, you live with this guy from now on.
Phone bad, cage bad, sport good
And it’s not due to closed salons amidst the lockdown….
My mom was telling dadjokes
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk…
And the result was staggering.
First world programmer problems when you work from home.
I’ve never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die.
Become a Catholic priest and get them now.
intel inside, disappointment outside
It is mind blowing.
Time for conservatives to utilize their right to bear arms and liberate some prisoners
Going out bad
It do be like that
How the news about oldest person on earth feel
Truly The Best Prequel in Existence
Welcome to plastic surgery addicts anonymous.
I see a few new faces here this week and I must say I am very disappointed.
Come on baby light my fire
Bro, do you want a pamphlet?
Did you try overflow: hidden; ?
Nazis be like
We just dont know
Yup, she’s the one
I’m having a bun filled with ham and pineapple for my lunch today because…
…that's Hawai'i roll…
Where nightmares comes from
Lol women farting
Lovely Proposal by Programmer
I had a vasectomy so I wont have any kids…
Just got back home and they are still here…
I raised my left leg before the new year started…
…so I could start it off on the right foot. 🤮 Happy new year!
How did the cannabis propose?
Marriage you wanna?
We’ve all been there
Ball and Socket joints
Hadn’t these gone out of fashion?
enough tik tok
I don’t advertise my lip reading business…
It’s all word of mouth…
An engineer who having worked for several years, decided that he and his family should have a weekend getaway place.
He searched the surrounding country, and found a lovely spot with frontage on a small river. They built a cabin, and began spending time there every chance they got. The kids loved it, and friends came for the quiet and fishing. The engineer, however, wanted something unique for his cabin. He had been an award-winning pole vaulter in college. He therefore built a set of poles with a crosspiece, and a mulched run. He bought a new carbon fiber vaulting pole, new shoes, and was set. He would set off down the run, plant his pole, soar over the crosspiece, and land in the river with a satisfying splash. What a great way to spend a hot afternoon. He tried to teach a few friends to vault, with no success. He enjoyed his cabin for years, and went out early in the spring one year. It had been a very wet winter, lots of rain afterward. When the family arrived, the river was up and flowing at a good clip, with twice the usual current flowing. The engineer was determined to enjoy a few vaults into the water, although his wife didn't think it was safe. But he was a good swimmer and proceeded to have a go at it. His run and jump were flawless, he hit the water in good form, but upon surfacing, he was swept downstream and disappeared. His body was found later that day, tangled in streamside debris. It was a sad end for the engineer and the family sold the cabin, with no desire to return to the scene of such tragedy. Our lamented engineer was a civil engineer. Had he consulted one of his electrical engineer brethren, he would have been warned that "It's not vaultage that kills you, it's the current!"
It’s the little things
My dad used to get shot from a cannon at the circus. When he retired they had to close the show.
They couldn't find another man of his caliber.
I ordered a chicken and an egg on amazon.
I will let you know.